Episode #018 — Allison Borstad’s Path to Empowered Self-Care

Melanie Branch: Hello my Neurospicies and welcome to another episode of Trailblazers Rising I'm so excited to bring my new friend Alison Borstad to my audience to you all listening and watching she is a fantastic coach for highly sensitive women in leadership and she's gorgeous for anybody who's not watching and just listening.

I want you to know and my spirit guides were very loud about her when she came across my FYP a couple of weeks months ago I don't know time isn't real and I'm so happy to introduce you to her right now everybody say hi to Allison allison say hi to everybody

Allison Borstad: hello everyone and I'm so excited to be invited on this podcast because I've been such a fan of yours as well.

When you came across my FYP on TikTok I was like Oh my gosh who is this woman so I love that we are bringing our brains together to see how we can help neuro spicy folks live wonderful easeful successful happy joyful lives

Melanie Branch: wonderful easeful joyful successful write that down! The easeful part is very very important to that concoction as well especially during this year mercury retrograde which we've already seen issues with but hopefully will not continue.

So let's dive on in and ask one of the questions that I ask every single person that graces this stage and That is what sparked your entrepreneurial fire what moment in time do you remember where you you just went not working for anybody else anymore god damn it I'm doing my own thing

Allison Borstad: oh my goodness.

Yeah well so I am a therapist by training and part of our therapy training is people instilling so much fear in you and like really instilling like these boundaries but in a way that I actually think started dividing like the human connection that is innate like Therapy is one of the most intimate spaces for people to bare their heart to someone and sometimes they have this like overly clinical presence and not just be a human or to be so boundary that they can't know who you are as they're bearing their soul to you and healing and your presence and you're just like this blank slate mystery person.

There's just more and more as I got into the therapy world like I did about 10 years of doing therapy primarily with people with high anxiety trauma ADHD and you know the more and more that I did it and the more and more that I kind of bonded with folks and then kind of dabbled in coaching and other kind of modalities.

I just I felt like felt like traditional therapy wasn't it for me anymore which is really interesting because I spent a lot of money and a lot of time getting all those degrees just to find that I felt like I liked coaching more and so yeah and coaching is such a kind of an independent I feel like it's very entrepreneurial by nature because usually you don't.

Yeah get hired necessarily to be a coach most coaches are fairly independent so I think it's just whenever I felt like I needed the switch even just decolonizing my practice of you know like all of the I was

Melanie Branch: just thinking about decolonization oh my God all right spirit guides I knew you were going to be loud this time.

I knew it I knew it so when you're when you're talking that you're a trained therapist A lot of people who know me know that traditional talk therapy is not something that I recommend all the time to ADHD people specifically because there is so much evidence scientific evidence towards somatic therapies and physical movement and we know that trauma is stored in the body so and we know specifically with an ADHD brain or an autistic brain A it's moving faster Then a neurotypical allistic brain B we're obsessed with psychology to some degree especially those of us that are later in life diagnosed or late realized because we felt like an outcast our entire life and just told oh it's depression and anxiety.

So you're going to have to fix it and then you'll be better and it's like well we tried all the things that you told me to fix it and it's still going like this I don't know what's happening so I'm so happy to hear you know saying decolonization of the own the thing that you were taught because we know traditional talk therapy is based out of Cishet white dudes.

Allison Borstad: Yes and including the disability narrative of everything you know I have kind of a love hate relationship with with that because I do think in some ways we do need to like recognize our need for accommodation and that like the the main way people are doing things maybe you're not going to fit with us.

And so from that perspective okay yes that shoe fits but otherwise it's truly just a different way of being and so that was the other thing of like diagnosing people with disorders and again I have a love hate relationship for all this it can be really freeing and helpful I think to get diagnoses just to kind of find a community understand what's going on and find the right things that are going to help you under that label.

But at the same time I do love this kind of expansion model of kind of designing your own life and creating the life that you want regardless of what everybody else says you should be doing and not trying to mask or pretend to be neurotypical and just be you do your thing right and I just I love that approach with coaching like the opportunities the innovation and the possibility that's there in for creatives and entrepreneurs and people who think differently to kind of.

March to the beat of their own drum and in a way that is also really I think freeing a lot of other people who also march to the beat of their own drum right to give them permission to do so

Melanie Branch: yeah you know there's so much so much to be said about the mindset of seeking permission right so there's something called human giver syndrome which I have recently found out about and really sums up how I was raised as a woman as a human being to.

Manage the emotions of everybody around me from my parents to my siblings to my extended family to my friends to my husband to my children I mean you can just think back on every Christmas you've ever had at your house or every Christmas at your grandma's house when you were a kid right the women don't fucking sit down and therefore their houses.

How is this right yeah we are the vibe maker but we're not responsible for how everybody else in the house is feeling and if we rely on feeling good based on how everybody around us feels you're going to exhaust yourself and you're going to resent everybody in your life every single person so when it comes to entrepreneurship how long have you been in the game from running your practice coaching all that

Allison Borstad: sort of stuff?

So since 2019 so four years so far so depending on who you're talking to newbie and then to other people they're like show me your ways but yes it's always funny but they're There is no going back there is no regrets all of the all the moments of oh shit that come with taking leaps and going into entrepreneurship and failing forward and figuring out what the fuck you're doing when sorry can we swing around here?

Absolutely

Melanie Branch: you can

Allison Borstad: But yeah I mean it's it's been kind of a wild ride but it is I think it scratches my ADHD brain just right because I am a very multi passionate person who loves to forever be a student and learn and switch things up and be the decision maker and be the one who kind of runs the show.

And as long as my self care is on point and I'd be like a really good manager and boss to myself in that regard it's been honestly nothing short of magical

Melanie Branch: so I'm going to scrap the next question I was going to ask you because you mentioned self care and this is where you and I really really shine and agree.

So when when I attempt to explain self care and what I mean by you know intrinsically weaving in self care throughout your day to all of my clients and to the the members of the Neurospicy Academy and really anybody that I care deeply about and that runs close in my circles I am not talking about a massage or a facial or a pedicure when I say self care.

I am literally telling you that you are the only one on this earth that is.

I am when I talk about self care I mean literally making every decision based on how it's going to affect you and try and make every decision to affect you in a positive manner so when it comes to self care for you what is it that you wish

Allison Borstad: everybody knew yeah so for me self care is structural and not like the little things that we we kind of bring in around the edges.

So it's like you know the massage and getting your nails done and all that kind of stuff and exercise which are all amazing things we should all be doing anyways but it's it's more of to me true self care is doing way less I think people at large do way too much and we wear exhaustion as a badge of honor and we think that we need to be busy and productive and doing all of these things all the time.

And if you just like look at the health statistics of Americans especially why do we all have heart disease and cancer like all these things are linked to chronic stress so and then when you bring in a a neuro diverse person who gets overstimulated has deep processing like we get exhausted so much more quickly than everybody else.

It's just facts it doesn't mean it's a bad thing we also with our deep processing pick up on details and magic and all the stuff that other people don't it's you know a double edged sword but we need to be doing less and I think really focus on a handful of really important priorities and be happy and content To do a handful of things really well not to say that you can't switch things up and be eclectic but not trying to pack every moment of the day full of productivity.

Like I hate some of these productivity hacks I'm just like do less that's the productivity hack yeah they'll have less brain fog less confusion so for me it's more of like what can I strategically say no to and get really good at strategically saying no all the time every request that comes in I have to really think of does this align with my values and my goals?

And sometimes it's an amazing request and it's just like yeah but it doesn't fit so no no no like I say no all the time to all sorts of things that I feel like that should be the basis of self care it's like choosing ahead of time what you really want yeah and like really locking into that unapologetically and then really finding a way to say no to the rest which can be really hard for a lot of neuro spicy people who kind of people please as part of their masking to kind of blend in and that feels so different or so other.

But I think to really boldly be like no that's that's not aligned with my focus right now is a skill that we all especially as entrepreneurs really need to build

Melanie Branch: because let's talk about this tip for the entrepreneur I don't care what stage of entrepreneurship and business ownership you're in when you are around anybody who has like a 9 to 5 right?

Or a restaurant job whatever it is but a job where they have a schedule dictated by somebody other than themselves right I yeah I have stopped being friends with some people who treated me as though my time wasn't as important as theirs or that my time was more flexible than theirs so therefore I should be able to do more things for them like I'm an adult you're an adult don't ask me to drive you to the airport.

Because you should be able to get your fucking ass to the airport and especially not really early or really late in the evening oh well you say you do your own schedule this has literally happened to me before where somebody was like Will you drop me off at the airport at 6 o'clock in the morning?

No! I'm not gonna do that! But you say you wake up at 5 I do! To do the things that I want to do not to take your grown ass self to the airport what are we talking about so the blatant disregard that can happen from your friends or acquaintances and When they don't understand that entrepreneurship is you know doing a lot of unpaid work for a really big payout eventually.

Allison Borstad: Yeah it's it's funny that you mentioned this because I have a handful of clients who are full time content creators and people sit on their job all the time or say that it's not a real job and some of them that I work with they've come to me because they work literally 80 hours a week I mean and their brain is always on and they're always thinking of new ideas and like they kind of never switch off and that can lend itself into like creative burnout where they eventually like I hate this or I've lost the fun or the zest for it and we have to kind of pull back so that they can like refine their magic again.

But there are a lot of these creative jobs or especially when you you work for yourself and you're the one who's really dictating the money that comes in it's like one thing I know lots of people who kind of clock in and clock out and depending on the work sometimes can kind of phone it in you know and then and still get paid the exact same paycheck.

Right versus you know when when you're running the show there's a lot of pressure there to be on and yeah I think it actually requires even more self care too because of some of the anxiety that comes with taking risks and being visible and putting yourself out there like all this takes so much courage.

That also triggers our nervous system that we then have to like balance in real time I think people who are rising up through levels of leadership need deeper and more conscious self care because of the amount of energy then we're putting out like if we're trying to impact all these people and give good energy.

Then like we got to make sure that our our energy well is filled right like obviously you know if you really get into the energetics of it all if we're coming to a place of service from a place of depletion that's a weird ass energy we're giving our clients and the people who follow us it's doing them a disservice and us a disservice.

Melanie Branch: You're so right and you're feeding right into the next question of how do we then or how do you find that balance strike that balance between the strategic side of entrepreneurship because that's a totally different hat to wear it's a totally different energy and mindset and the creative flow that we have to be able to tap into regularly and you know on demand to some level and extent.

How do you find that balance that that sweet spot

Allison Borstad: this is the question and this is the thing that I think I'm always working on and I think a lot of my clients are always working on as well is you know it's it's sometimes hard with the especially the ADHD brain I'll just speak to that because that's the brain that I have you know we can get really hyper focused and really excited and really jazzed about things and get these like.

Bordering on hypomanic kind of like creative just like floods and downloads right where we're just like damn screw sleep like I'm going to pour all this kind of stuff out and I do actually believe to some degree in writing some of that out because sometimes you'll some genius will really come out of that.

And so I think we need to like hold space for that and at the same time I've definitely allowed myself at times to to go follow off some of these like cool amazing new bright ideas and abandon some amazing ideas that were already in the works that I just need to like continue to see through or find a way to kind of do the mindset work to stay excited about the things that are no longer new or novel.

So some things I'm like oh I know all about this who cares but if it's if I'm teaching something that's new to other people it's really important so at least for me what has really helped honestly is having a solid team of advisors of people I trust both that have a similar brain is me and a totally different brain is me.

I have quite a few neurotypical type a folks both coaches and also kind of marketing support that kind of help be this this nurturing sounding board for me and everybody that I've kind of brought into my life are all very respectful of my brain and my style as well so when they give their feedback they're very kind about it.

And they're also like this is a great idea put it here come back to this like let's stay focused on this and then we'll find a way to work it in but I think just sometimes having having sounding boards and support to help you kind of know when to lean into the creative side and then know when to kind of bring the structure back.

We really do need both and at least for me it gets really easy to kind of get overly carried away in 1 or the other overthinking in the strategy or just having way too much fun if that's possible it's not possible actually but but in terms of like not giving you know the things that I've committed to enough time it's it's we really do need both to move

Melanie Branch: forward.

Yeah I found myself often cycling through consumption mode and like production mode so I'll be scrolling a lot I'll be taking a lot of notes I'll be brainstorming or brain dumping a lot of ideas like this morning when I was putting my hair on most of it's mine but some of it is not and I'm in my bathroom right?

So like I have systems and strategies for every part of my life business and personal so when I'm in my bathroom you know I take my shower I brush my teeth I do my hair whatever that's gonna be and you know whatever else happens in there and then my makeup happens over on this side of the house.

So I'm back there music's playing having a good time and I straight up downloaded probably ten content ideas that I'm gonna make when we're done with this interview and you know you just get the Notes app on your phone and you're like do do do do do do do do do do la la la la la la right so then when it is time to create content you just go to that Notes app and you say Oh these are all the ideas that I was going to do so let's pop them out.

So what I have found and what I really try and instill in the NeuroSpicy Academy members especially and my clients is Don't try to produce if you are feeling consumption y right so if this lines up with the luteal phase of your period if you're a person with a uterus and a fem cycle then you know that luteal week when you're super cranky and you're bloated and you don't feel good don't plan on creating content.

Plan on hypothesizing it or consuming it and getting good ideas and being inspired from it right but we're not I'm not going to put my face out there and attempt to be nice when I have PMDD and premen and what's the other one why can't I think of it endometriosis there you go.

Sorry my periods are not easy so I'm not going to be putting out content or filming content during that time right so when it comes to neurodiversity and the reason that I use the term neuro spicy is because there's so many conditions quote unquote under the umbrella of neurodiversity it's not just ADHD.

It's not just autism it's not just ADHD you're talking dyslexia dyspraxia all sorts of other ones right at this point in my unmasking process I don't know if it's a stim or a tick at this point because I no longer suppress the stims and sometimes they just like when I get done in the shower I do a cold shot of water for 30 seconds to.

A couple minutes but again time is not real so I could be in there for 10 minutes or 2 seconds I don't know but I do that cold shot of water at the end of it to ramp up my dopamine production and that makes me slap my thighs when I get out of the shower like they're a drum every single time.

Wouldn't matter if there were 10 people watching me or anything like that just that's what my body's gotta do so when we talk about neurodiversity especially And being highly sensitive what do you wish people knew about managing your nervous system in the entrepreneurial space

Allison Borstad: yeah well it's interesting because where my mind goes I think is just.

I think of the supplies to anywhere whether it's in the entrepreneurial space or not but like our our bodies just hold so much wisdom and I again I think this is true for all people but especially in terms of highly sensitive people I do I see a lot of overlap at least in my experience of of people who are HSB highly sensitive.

So this this is a big umbrella term that can it's not limited to ADHD autism anything specific it's anyone who basically gets overstimulated easily it's this idea of deep processing it's about 20 percent of the population which I don't know it's it's both a minority but actually kind of a large one too if you really think about it.

So in every room it's probably bigger than that

Melanie Branch: too because they know all of their projections and their estimates at this point are wrong that's

Allison Borstad: fair too right but yeah but it's it's funny though when people kind of feel feel other as being highly sensitive and the idea is if you're in a room of 10 people there's only 1 other person that potentially brings in stimuli kind of similar to the way that you do.

And then everybody else is like what's your deal are you overreacting so but you know cool a lot of the people that I work with who are highly sensitive in that way are also very intuitive and some people want to label this a trauma response maybe this is where I diverge a little bit from the therapy field is.

I am a highly spiritual person I do think that some of these people might be the people who are meant to be the shamans and the healers and the spirit connectors and you know like I do think this might be a part of people's purpose and role and a lot of times intuitively you get all sorts of weird tugs and pulls typically more in your body than in your brain.

And a lot of times they're wise and I know you talk about spirit guides and I love spirit guides too so I love that you're going there and sometimes they will divert your attention to things or you'll be like I have to leave the room now this is really chaotic and random and weird and not polite or not normal or whatever you want to say.

And yet I have this big intuitive tug and it's interesting when you start really following and trusting those not only typically it usually serves you well just in terms of what you and your body needs but also a lot of times I feel like it sinks you up into like the synchronicities of the universe right?

Of like I don't know why right and and this is again where I feel like sometimes magic happens where you're kind of trusting into again you're embodied intuitive wisdom that's even smarter than you know our mind I think a lot of the time and we kind of glaze over that in our modern Western society.

We've kind of lost touch with a lot of the embodied wisdom and and yeah and the ability to kind of allow magic to happen and just like I guess trust yourself truly that that may be what you're doing is not so crazy or random or wrong or these ticks or all these things that we have pathologized through the medical field might be something to you know

Melanie Branch: the pathology.

Is a big barrier to entry right so a lot of times the comments that I get on my tiktoks or my instagrams or whatever are how do I get diagnosed I don't know la la la here's the thing first and foremost a diagnosis is validating 100 percent but a formal diagnosis is not necessary depending on what your goals are.

First and foremost I want everybody to know if you get a formal autistic diagnosis autism diagnosis there are some countries that you are not allowed to go to if you get a formal autistic diagnosis you could potentially have a lot of issues if you separate and divorce your partner and are trying to get custody of your kids.

Like it's a really deep intense issue and I wish that the focus was less on getting a diagnosis so you can start accommodating yourself and more on hey I can start accommodating myself right now because I think that I have this because I've done the research because think about it if you have a cold or the flu and you need to go to the doctor for medicine you have self diagnosed that you have a cold or the flu and you got to go to the doctor.

Same thing with a broken wrist hey Something's not right here and I googled it and it has all the same signs and symptoms of a broken wrist let me go to the fucking doctor right so if we can move away from the conversation of getting your diagnosis and move more towards doing your research and doing what's best for you and realizing like you said I don't have to do everything the polite way.

Because here's here's the thing I am not going to be polite to somebody who's talking to me in an inappropriate way right we all have that with family members or friends or whatever it is where they decide they want to start talking about somebody who's not at the family event that's not polite and I'm not going to be polite and take part in it.

I will always be kind when I speak to people but sometimes kindness means removing yourself from the situation and letting that person know that what they're doing is not right because it simply ain't right so when it comes to The highly sensitive women in leadership that you are working with what do you see as like a common thread or theme when it comes to their overstimulation like when they get overstimulated what they feel what happens and how we can start fixing it?

Allison Borstad: Yeah so so a lot of times when people are just overstretched overstimulated they're usually feeling exhausted irritable resentful which is anytime there's resentment I'm like Oh this is like a tell of of burnouts either happening or coming like your boundaries are being being crossed but then the last one which is really interesting is guilty.

I swear resentment and guilt are like 2 best friends you know in terms of over stretching and doing all these things but like why do we do this it's because of this internalized guilt of like well I should be doing this or this this concept of of shame and failure a lot of times like of highly sensitive people shaming themselves for being tired or overstimulated and then they come oftentimes either to therapy or coaching to be like how do I stop being this way?

And I'm like wrong question right because like your brain and body are functioning how it's designed to do it's all working correctly so if you're getting cues of exhaustion that's your body telling you you're overworking it and if you're feeling resentful Full then that's cues from your body that that people are crossing your boundaries and likely you're allowing it.

Right and so basically your your body and your mind are giving you homework here they're actually likely working just how they're supposed to they're they're meant to keep you alive and well so that's where I think like reorganizing how we even orient to anxiety and and some of these feelings to kind of normalize them of like the body's wisdom and that okay like I need to rethink about how I treat myself that I'm not like whipping the horse harder.

To run longer like I always tell people like if you went and ran a horse for 6 hours straight and the horse collapse you wouldn't be like what's up with this horse we this one's faulty get me a new 1 yeah you're like you need to rest the horse you need to give it water you need you know like you need to do all these things.

You need to train it properly and so I think just even rethinking the way that we think about productivity and work and even what we expect out of ourselves especially what we compare ourselves to with what we might see on paper or on social media might be the work of an entire creative team.

And yet a lot of the entrepreneurs that I talked to were like my stuff doesn't look like that I feel like it all this kind of stuff and it's like of course yours does it and you're not feeling for it to not look like that you're not at that stage yet you're getting there so being being the season that you're in and respected.

You

Melanie Branch: know being in the season that you're in and respecting it really rings true I realized today and it's something I'm going to start making some content about I've been in business for about 3 years and I have completely shifted gears restructured whatever you want to call it at least 3 times since starting my business because I am an energy healer psychic intuitive and mindset coach because there is So many different elements that come into play and striking the harmonious balance between coaching and psychic intuition and body healing and energy healing and whatnot that I really like to focus on it's like okay well and my most recent 1 has been since about like November of last year is when I started my most recent 1 has been a doozy really zeroing in on the unconventional you know Very driven a fab you know raised race female entrepreneurial woman of all walks and backgrounds all walks of life and backgrounds and all different kinds of businesses.

And I found that the common thread for you know who I'm meant to work with and who I'm meant to help now are the women that are on the upswing of that healing journey right so I understand why I've been behaving like this I get the trauma responses I get my diagnosis like I understand now I am fully ready to embody my complete and utter potential every single day which is going to fluctuate.

I want everybody to know that being consistent doesn't mean that you show up 100 percent every day it just means you show up every day and sometimes it's just to say here and then go back to bed right like there's no there's no flaw in that so really helping people understand we can heal the cycle of burnout while working.

Right we don't I'm not telling anybody you have to take a sabbatical and you know go down to the Betty Ford and get all the help that you possibly can because you've been in a cycle of workout and addicted to stress and you know like you said earlier wearing their exhaustion as a badge of honor.

Those are all things that you've been conditioned to believe so we can recondition while enjoying the journey I'm a rusher I don't know about you but my factory operating setting in my brain is There's no reason there's no reason if you have three hours and you got to go to the grocery store There's no reason to rush through that grocery store.

There's no reason to rush through that email right like there there's no reason nothing else nothing's gonna change whether you take it at a nice Even keel speed or you allow your brain to go go go go go go right like let's chill the fuck out so personally my headphones and my sunglasses have made such a gigantic improvement in my life just as a human on earth right?

If I'm going outside early in the morning I get a little bit of sunlight in my eyes before I put my shades on but any other time that I'm going to be outside or like in a grocery store lighting situation sunglasses are on too over stimmy I am a highly sensitive human lights are too bright smells are too strong.

Sounds are too loud all that sort of stuff and to the point where if I don't if I get to the grocery store and I don't have my headphones I'll turn around and go home and get them so what are some of the tools that you like to use to help you keep a nice regulated nervous system

Allison Borstad: yes well so not to be so coachy about it all but mindset has been a huge help.

I think just catching all of my condition thoughts and expectations and I love what you said about people on the upswing of the healing journey I've been a therapist for over 10 years I've been in school for all this stuff and yet I catch myself all the time doing conditioned behaviors things that I'm like oh I worked on that 6 years ago.

I should be past it right but it's very ingrained and so I think staying in the work of both journaling and meditation like being being hyper aware I suppose of the narratives that are going on in your head and then reframing them and I'm very similar I see is that I'm I'm very I'm very energetic.

Right and I think that's like part of the maybe the fun part of the ADHD is this enthusiasm and passion and it's like always ready to go right unless like you said a falludial phase right where you're like and now I'm tired and I'm done but I really do find reframing certain things and especially when it comes to to the the go go go thing for me.

You it can at times come from a place of not enoughness when it's in the the kind of toxic driving zone and other times it's just like I'm excited and that's great but one of the things that recently I've reframed a bit because one of the things that I've always been told growing up and one thing I try not to say to my really ADHD son too is be be patient.

Melanie Branch: Just be

Allison Borstad: patient just wait calmly right however a reframe that I've had that kind of still allows there to be that energy that like I'm just that chomping at the bit energy is being at peace and enjoying the now while also you know anticipating or moving forward but but I think it's inpatients feels like suffering when like it feels wrong.

Like oh like I need to get to the next thing this isn't right and I think like finding ways to be more at peace and more comfortable and enjoy the now and things like you said of just basic let me put my headphones and my sunglasses on like let me do all these micro accommodations and also bigger accommodations that just make this whole the the concept of kind of.

Being present and patient or peaceful or waiting is an enjoyable process you know as we're creating we're also resting like simultaneously

Melanie Branch: yeah I always tell myself to like 1st and foremost when it comes to manifesting if you cannot love and appreciate what you have right now and see the abundance that you have right now.

The universe is a lot less inclined to send you more abundance because why are you going to are you going to appreciate that look at everything you have right now you don't appreciate that and also if you can like be present and happy in your present space like what is happening right now in the moment and be mindful in the moment then your future is always going to be fantastic.

But if you're waiting for a future moment for everything to great like okay when I get my first 10 K client when I get My first 20k month when I get my whatever the fuck the goal is right if you're expecting for your happiness to come at that moment but you can't be happy now your brain at that moment when you achieve that goal is just going to say when I hit my next right?

If we're only focused on that other then you're never going to be happy so really the mindfulness and like daily practices that I have to stay in the present moment is I'm not much for meditation I try I like a moving meditation but what I really like to do to calm and center myself throughout my day are little breathing techniques.

So I just you know I say wait a minute have I had a deep breath lately and you can tell by just stopping and taking a deep breath and if you cannot take a big deep breath you've been shallow breathing for a little while right absolutely we're all thank God our bodies can keep us alive just without us thinking heart pumping lungs moving but they're not always doing it ideally.

Right so there's a lot of power in intentional breath work to calm the mind you know optimize the body that sort of stuff so are you a meditation girl or are you a breathwork girl or do you have something other that's cooler and easier and more fun to do that I don't even

Allison Borstad: know about a little bit of all of the above.

So interestingly enough I spent a summer 10 years ago in a Buddhist monastery in Taiwan where they just kind of open their doors and like anyone who wants to be trained like a novice monk or nun can just come and learn to meditate and they work you up to about 12 hours of meditation a day at the very end of it.

And it is I learned so much from doing that including how mentally torturous meditation can feel right and even I actually think sometimes it's dangerous depending on what mental state you're in so I actually don't always recommend meditation or if I do I usually tell people literally a minute.

Yeah it's like we'll do wonders in some for some people it's more like prayer or it's more of like I've asked a question and now I'm waiting to hear or it can be a more focused meditation maybe your eyes are open and you're just really taking everything in doing like the five senses kind of meditation of like let me ground in the present moment.

I'm hearing I'm smelling I'm seeing you know I'm fully fully here but yeah I I I like to be eclectic and I I also like to kind of figure out what makes sense for my mood I know a lot of people want to have like those routines and I think having some degree of structure of a routine of like maybe three or four out of seven days I do this thing to try to stay on on track.

So a gratitude practice is huge definitely a smoke a spoken one is great but a written one is better there's lots of evidence that shows that it literally grows the joy centers of your brain I mean there's pressure literally everything so when in doubt like gratitude is plenty and then the the one other thing just to kind of bring the mindfulness for the meditation piece in is there's also a lot of research on savoring the moment.

Yeah the

Melanie Branch: little glimmers the little glimmers I'm going to see something up there like wait I didn't think I was going to see that today you

Allison Borstad: lock it in you make a moment like yesterday I had one of these moments where I was dropping my three year old off at the babysitter and all of the other little three year olds came up and wanted to hug me before I left and I could just be like Oh my gosh I got to get to work.

Like what are these kids like oh Jeremy kids or whatever and but instead I'm just like what magic that all of these little toddlers just came to like bless my day and came to just give me love of their own volition and like yeah I think sometimes just really sinking and expanding that moment like trying to like pause time for a hot second.

Like let me bottle this in my brain for a minute of of just little everyday magic and miracles that are here just to like fill up your tank and there's also lots of clinical research that shows when people do this if you ask them about their subjective stress levels how was your last week how was this week?

People be like you know it was pretty good even when there were other highly stressful things going on like their brain automatically accounts for those positive things that we tend to bypass because of the negativity bias of the brain and our threat bias and all that kind of stuff it literally rewires our brains to see possibility.

See opportunity be joyful enjoy the moment all the good things and it's pretty

Melanie Branch: easy to do and it's free yeah I mean for the for the neuro divergent brain especially rumination is a real motherfucker and because of that negativity bias and because of that danger bias and your brain is literally wired.

To be judgmental of every piece of stimuli that it picks up on not to mention the fact that your subconscious is running the show 90 percent of your I saw a statistic somewhere it's like 90 percent of the decisions you make every day are subconscious I was like damn no wonder I drove all the way home and don't remember the drive.

Thank God for autopilot right so I find myself and my clients find themselves on autopilot a lot a lot right because our brain is moving so fast and because we have this muscle memory that's you know deeply ingrained right I use it to my advantage when it comes to quantum shifting are you a believer in the quantum?

I bet you are I don't have to continue okay so quantum shifting right this is something that I teach my more advanced clients right so quantum shifting is the idea that you can hit your higher timeline Real time either overnight or you know via a shower using some sort of modality or mechanism to consciously go.

All right next level right so I a lot of the time like to use sleep meditation so I'll fall asleep listening to a quantum shifting meditation there's 1 that's like 2 hours and it's by jason Stevenson if you look up quantum shifting meditation on YouTube it'll pop right up and I like to do that.

And I also just like to take a showers and do something if you do a mundane task slightly different than you normally do it you can quantum shift in real time so if you're normally taking a shower with playlist a on right with all the lights on in your bathroom and you go into the shower it takes 10 minutes to get out.

You know if you have a regular routine for it switch up the routine have a different playlist have different lighting don't rush through it if you're one of those people like me and you rush through everything right do it slightly differently and you are shifted consciously into a higher timeline right?

And I use my muscle memory to know when this has happened because my car We'll feel different like the seat feels like it's been adjusted somehow right because I quantum shifted into a higher timeline I have before to done it this 1 was a wacky I was riding my bike and I have this 10 mile track.

It's like 5 miles this way and then 5 miles back through this beautiful part of the neighborhood love it so much I'm so lucky to live here like the millionaire part of the neighborhood right and on my 5 miles east I don't know what direction it is there it was just normal regular like la la la and on my 5 miles back same ride there was a Like a pothole but almost like a sinkhole.

If you're in Florida you know what I mean it's like one of those big deep holes in the middle of this neighborhood road that already had a cone in it so in the 10 15 minutes that it took me to go from that spot back to the other spot the whole road and everything had completely shifted I said okay quantum shifting.

I'm fucking here for it so when it comes to that practice it does require mindfulness how do you quantum shift

Allison Borstad: so I feel like sometimes quantum shifting just happens with that you know what I mean without consciously doing it but usually I think it's it's a it's accumulation I think of all the other practices we're talking about especially I'm a huge believer in ritual.

Huge I think for a very similar reason of of you know I talked to some people who are a little bit maybe more scientific or secular or whatever you want to call it than I am which hey I respect I don't I don't claim to know all the answers here but even just subconsciously giving your brain very concrete indicators like the idea of writing something down and burning it or tearing it up.

Like I'm done with this it's done cord cutting ceremonies all of these things I'm like you don't even have to believe in the magic of it or whatever just just for your but it's real but yeah but at the same time every time I do that stuff all sorts of like the universe meets you halfway right?

You're basically like I've now opened myself I've opened my eyes to these possibilities and it is really interesting in terms of like really opening your eyes to like you said getting out of the habits and really looking around or even looking around as if you were like an alien from another planet like stepping into your house for the first time.

Like this is a practice I do every so often and just notice everything I'm like what's going on here what like yeah is this what I want does this align with who I am now versus who I was 3 months ago right what needs to shift and like having these kinds of questions I think can really can really help and staying aligned with the greater vision too.

Like who What do I see myself doing in five years you know and what does she look like I know this is like a very common practice for a lot of entrepreneurs but like what does she look like how does she talk what is she doing like what does she figure it out that I'm still figuring out and sometimes those answers come so quick.

And then once they click you're like Oh I can't operate any other way like oh that answer I just downloaded it here it is and now I have the answer that quick and I can move forward with that answer so I think tapping into you know the future the past the ancestors like there's so many sources of information that I think again have been really discredited.

Just culturally over here in the West and over emphasizing the scientific model versus more maybe indigenous practices or things that are just have been here since the dawn of time like this intuitive human wisdom there's there's so much possibility out there and I think that's the thing as long as we stay tapped in the possibility really our life can just continue to expand.

And I cannot tell you how many times I've had gotten stuck in a in a weird little mindset about something especially when it comes to maybe attracting clients or something I'll be like nobody wants this nobody like you know I think we've all gotten into these dark kind of self defeating mindsets.

And then every time I snap out of it every time I find in my dms and in my emails inquiries that I missed a week ago whatever of people who wanted the stuff but because my mind said no then I wasn't I subconsciously wasn't checking the email enough or whatever and was literally blocking the result.

Right so I think we we also need to really be wise to you know what we're feeding our subconscious all the time and being like it's working nothing has gone wrong the universe is conspiring for my highest good I am expanding and growing every day life is magical how lucky I am to be alive and I love all of this.

I'm ready to share my love yeah that's really all you need

Melanie Branch: yeah oh my God yeah all right all right I lost my spot on all my questions all right I just love that so much so we're going to I got the tingly's I love it hold on I'm going to get really excited and my dogs are going to come over here.

Let me try and let me try and bring it down let me try and bring it down okay so before we do the the lightning round of questions that I ask everybody that are ADHD through and through I'm going to ask you to plug your spot tell the listeners how they can find you where they can find you and how they can work with you.

Allison Borstad: Everything yay well you can find me on Tik TOK at self care consulting all squished together no hyphens or anything in there you can also find me on Instagram and that one that's at self underscore care consulting but I'm really excited actually I'm launching a new membership group that allows people.

The opportunity to be in small grouping small a small coaching group let me start again my brain is blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue container my dyslexia just came out where basically it's it's just gonna be a whole group of highly sensitive women in leadership that are just working through all of these things that we're talking about in terms of owning you're.

Your true genius and also accommodating your sensitivities unapologetically and so we have 6 coaching calls a month it's 150 a month for the subscription so that's happening and also work with me individually can reach out to me to talk about that so that's all I'm going to plug yeah

Melanie Branch: we love it.

Okay are you ready for I'm ready the lightning round 1st and foremost what's your favorite social media platform

Allison Borstad: tikTok

Melanie Branch: duh second question what's the most recent rabbit hole you've gone down oh,

Allison Borstad: definitely the The task positive mode network and the default mode network of the brain I've been doing a big

Melanie Branch: deal on that I got to research it task positive and then the other one what is it

Allison Borstad: the one that you need to know as a neuro spicy person is the default mode network google it I'm actually going to put up a tick tock explain this in a second but that's like literally it's it's the mind wandering theta state meditative trans creative mode of the brain and it's supposed to turn off whenever you're doing a.

A task when you're like I need to get this thing done it's supposed to switch off in neuro diverse people and never switches off this is why we have random thoughts all the time it's why it's so hard to focus that we have to like exert so much more effort to bring it back over and over and over again.

So look into it it'll make everything your brain makes sense

Melanie Branch: so the default mode network listen I just found out because I started following another creator I gotta remember her name for this that our brain requires a low level of stimulation to be able to fall asleep and the fact that I need a show on to fall asleep like what I was doing was watching a show until I get real tired and then I would switch it over to like a nighttime sound or anything like that and my brain turns back on and it's like okay what are we doing?

I'm like no no no we were almost asleep what's happening and now that I just leave Downton Abbey on at a quiet volume while I'm sleeping I stay asleep for a lot longer and it's a lot easier to fall asleep when I wake up that's amazing

Allison Borstad: I know isn't it funny

Melanie Branch: like just so that was my rabbit hole just so everybody knows.

All right number three this is one of my favorite questions what is your emotional support show so like what do you watch when you want to unwind and you can't take on the emotional labor of anything

Allison Borstad: new so it rotates because I'll exhaust it and then be like I can't do this anymore sometimes it's Arrested Development sometimes it's Schitt's Creek sometimes I go way back to like Dawson's Creek or something that's like real cringy you know good old 90s kind of stuff just brings me back to my youth.

So that's those are usually the go tos either that or We like all of that a million times yeah

Melanie Branch: we like all of that fully approved fourth question two parter have you consumed any water today okay yes and do you want to share your emotional support cup with the audience

Allison Borstad: yes actually I love this question.

Melanie Branch: I love

Allison Borstad: foxes I because of the red hair I'm always like I'm a red tailed fox at heart and yeah through the forest so and I love that actually the quote on this says wherever you are be all there so every time you take a step

Melanie Branch: oh my god that was the cutest thing ever you know redheads inherently in my brain are foxy.

Like if you're going to use a descriptor for a redhead foxy is going to fit just about every single one of them for sure I don't know why but that makes total sense in my brain I love that alright last question what is your current dopamine meal or snack what are you eating on repeat until it no

Allison Borstad: longer tastes good?

I've been giving you such a dumb boring thing about what I've been doing lately so Honestly it's been protein shakes and chicken which I know like whatever but I'm actually I've I've been really taking the advice of of really upping protein for neurospicy spicy brains in terms of boosting energy.

And it's been working and I've been trying to decrease the sugar consumption cause that used to be the go to but I was having insulin resistance and spikes and crashes and all this kind of stuff so I hated it the first week second week whatever now third week into this I'm like Oh damn this is like I maybe I'm hungry for like real food.

And if I actually like nourish myself I'll be in a better place

Melanie Branch: it's hard to get enough protein and

Allison Borstad: it's work but it really is a huge difference in energy

Melanie Branch: yeah good excellent yay all right my sweet Angel Allison I want everybody listening or watching to go follow her on all the socials check out her new membership program and thank you so much for sharing your insight and your wisdom

Allison Borstad: on the show.

Thank you so much this has been so much fun and we'll talk again soon

Melanie Branch: absolutely okay I love you all equally and for different reasons okay bye!

Wait,

oh I guess she's