Episode #031 — Rhia Batchelder: Transforming Challenges into Triumphs

Melanie Branch: Hello and welcome to another episode of Trailblazers Rising I am here with a mutual of mine who I've been following not stalking it's not called stalking it's called following supporting online for a hot minute and her name is Rhea Batch Elder and she is a burnout coach and corporate wellness speaker.

Rhea tell everybody hello

Rhia Batchelder: hello hello thank you for having me I'm so happy to be

Melanie Branch: here we are excited to have you here yay! So Rhea and I just so everybody is clear are both not fantastic with technology so I am just thankful that we're able to hear and press record and make it all happen rhea do you think this has anything to do with the fact that you are in the Rocky Mountains and I am in Florida and I am in a big storm that just rolled in out of nowhere and you are next to the

Rhia Batchelder: sun?

I think next to the sun literally sun adjacent I think that might be a part of it and also just might be the fact that we're supposed to be laying on a beach somewhere today but we're we're getting through it

Melanie Branch: yes yes I did have a very vivid dream last night and it reminded me of like I could be traveling to tropical locations when I go sleepy at night based on what I remember from that dream last night.

It was not the most pleasant dream but now I know who was thinking about me and sending negative energy my way oh Maria Maria know a little bit about your story and I know that you are basically a corporate failure that's what I call people that have any sort of resemblance of your story tell us about how you became a burnout coach and a corporate wellness

Rhia Batchelder: speaker.

Sure well it's it's quite the story but I formerly worked in big law I am still a lawyer but I am no longer practicing so I worked in complex commercial litigation did some white collar investigation stuff a really wide variety of pro bono stuff for about six years until I started burning out myself.

At the time I didn't really understand what was happening to me but I felt like kind of the classic burnout symptoms like starting to get exhausted irritable frustrated motivation going down like brain fog decreased focus all the things and in 2020 it started getting worse I'm also a big politics nerd so just like the state of our culture during that time was very Intense for me.

I also was like watching our democracy be on shaky ground so so much was going on emotionally and I was just burning out and not really taking care of myself that was a pretty classic that was the norm for me for a really long time right like I just did not show up for myself in the way that I needed to.

I was always achieving doing kind of reaching for external validation at all times and I eventually realized I had to start changing my life or I was going to be miserable forever so I did I started setting some boundaries in 2020 and the thing about big law is if you're not working 14 hour days you are not you know doing the job.

You are just simply failing so at the end of the year me and the firm basically consciously uncoupled they were essentially like we know it's a weird year if you want to come back next year and like re up your energy and recommit to this job get your hours back up let us know otherwise you know we can't have you be working like nine to seven.

That's crazy that's too little so I decided to walk away and then I was interviewing and realizing how burnt out I was and just I kind of felt like I could not take another direction from another manager who I didn't respect like I couldn't imagine going back into a regular job I was interviewing for all these like impressive jobs and doing well.

And I was just like I cannot see this for myself anymore and I'd spent so long feeling miserable and feeling like my career wasn't a good fit for me it wasn't aligned I wasn't fulfilled that I just felt like you know kind of fuck it like I'm just going to go for what the absolute dream life looks like for me even if that's scary and a total left turn.

I'm just diving in and that's what I did so now we're here like two and a little over two years later and I love what I do and and no regrets I think if I hadn't been pushed so far into like hating my life I wouldn't have made such a big Leap into the non traditional career space so thank God I guess.

Melanie Branch: I love the non traditional career space I have seen people make thriving businesses out of the most out of the box idea ever and I was like I just saw a girl actually and I think I followed her so shout out if you're listening she's got a very small following it's just starting out but very very promising.

And she it's not like a labor and delivery nurse she's not a doula or anything it looks like her business is literally just coming in to the new mom's home and massaging the mom and helping like you know it was like the pelvic massages and stuff to do this woman looked like she'd had a C section.

Shout out I had two I know what it's like to have to recover from that while you're feeling like Oh I have to clean my house so I have to breastfeed the baby oh I have to do this the baby is two days old go lay down get have somebody rub you what do you and so this woman you know she's showing like a day in her life.

She shows up at the place this is what she does the woman the new mom looked like she was in heaven I was like what a fucking business idea are you kidding me absolutely this is a good idea so the non traditional business space really emerged and I know the coaching space as well because there's a lot of discourse in the coaching space and in the CISHET men's space trying to tell female neurodivergent coaches that they're not qualified to do what it is they do because you know a man has to tell us that we are not qualified but I would take on any single one of them in a battle of understanding neurodivergence and all of its comorbidities in women.

Let's go anyways neither here nor there don't you think it really has so much to do with generationally how we were raised especially as millennials of you can do anything you want you just have to work hard you have to hustle you have to be skinny you can never be fat you cannot be broken you have to be fixed you have to be perfect you have to be Of course we're all burning the fuck out!

Rhia Batchelder: Oh 100% I mean especially women women are burning out at It's significantly higher rates than men because of these reasons right there is just the normal work stress the fact that we are all working too much getting paid too little that is happening to everyone that's why burnout rates are incredibly high incredibly high but for women especially 100%.

You hit the nail on the head we are being conditioned away from our own voices from our own needs we are constantly chasing external approval we should be this we should be this it should look like that you should be getting married at this age and having babies oh but now you're a mom and now you're working too much.

How dare you not be with your kids oh but oh you're just a stay at home mom you know there's so much noise and so many of the clients I work with come into me and they're burned out and they think it's solely about their job but really stress comes from so many areas of our life and a large part of it is not being able to hear yourself and not being connected to your needs and not showing up for yourself because all of this other noise that we've been conditioned.

With from very young ages just kind of takes over and like pulls us all from what is fulfilling what feels good There are a million other things that contributed to burn out too but that's that's definitely a major factor

Melanie Branch: I've found personally and professionally with all of my clients that being strong leads to resentment And that is because I'm the strong friend right?

I don't have a friend that I call when my world's falling apart because my world doesn't fall apart because I'm the fucking strong one I'm the one that people come to and say oh my God my world's falling apart will you help me and I say yeah absolutely let's do this but because I'm that strong one nobody ever asks how I'm doing.

Rhia Batchelder: I hate that I hate that for you I used to be similar but now I am I'm kind of I'm both I can be the strong friend but I'm also I have a couple people in my life who I've like really practiced I have to kind of push myself because that independent thing is so hard for us

Melanie Branch: to ask for help like why is it so hard?

Cause you I know you say this in all your burnout recovery clients it's it's like okay and I don't even feel like being a burden at this point most of the time and this my mindset shift for being the strong bitch is I no longer am interested in being strong I'm only interested in being powerful

Rhia Batchelder: I love that.

And part of being powerful is owning what's hard and what hurts and being honest about it creating space for all the sides of ourselves right which is really challenging I mean listen it's hard because from a young age We're don't be needy even when you think about us in middle school dating men if you date men All those comments that you get you know like be a cool girl.

Don't tell them you have needs like don't be vulnerable You have to like shut down it all has to be on you or you're made fun of for crying in elementary school as a young kid or you know our a lot of us were raised by boomers who are not very emotionally available so there are so many reasons that we just can't it's very uncomfortable for us to ask for what we need or even recognize it ourselves but I truly believe a lot of these things like our skills that we can build over time it's harder when we're adults it's harder when we're not Raised in this like super cushy environment where you know you do get to be your full self and and be loved and supported for that.

Sure but these are skills we can practice as adults it might take years but like little baby steps is always my my MO

Melanie Branch: yeah so I was recently explaining to a client about energy and mindset and how we can recover from burnout actively right so there is a part of burnout where like yeah you just gotta go lay down.

You're gonna have a couple weeks of just go lay down like ideally what would be great to heal especially from neurodivergent burnout which is really a compound of a lot of things that are going on is to be able to not have to output any sort of work but we don't all have that privilege so I equated it with this metaphor of Think about it like your phone can charge up while you're using it but there's some apps that are going to make it a lot longer to get back to 100%.

Yeah right so like we can play music in the background while we're charging and that's gonna be okay but if we're trying to watch a show and then YouTube something and then do something else while it's plugged in it's gonna take a lot longer to get back to 100%

Rhia Batchelder: oh my god you're yes a hundred percent and like you mentioned so many people do not have the privilege to just take off time and lay down for three months like they probably need to and I'm with you like if we're engaging in some real self care like not the commodified like whatever bullshit that's sold to women about making yourself more beautiful.

Melanie Branch: It's making choices based on what future me needs

Rhia Batchelder: 100 percent exactly and it's just been that term has been so warped by culture I'm with you and so people think self care is yeah I had to put on a face mask so I took care of myself today it's like Okay have you listened to your voice like what is what decisions are you making?

And then there's like active stress management there are so many things that we know we can do that helps our body complete the stress cycle move through stress usually it has to be something physical so we're actually dealing with the stress all encountering on an ongoing basis and then like you mentioned before there's the mindset stuff.

There is the self love it is how much am I masking how does that feel where do I get to be myself in what spaces do I feel comfortable to being a hundred percent authentic there's so many areas to look at to reduce stress while still working while still living your life and it is possible to get better.

Without just yeah laying down for six months and blocking everyone you know even though that would be

Melanie Branch: great I do recommend blocking a lot of people I'm not going to say no to that I am going to say a lot of people and what's funny is I mentioned my dream earlier the other day I was talking to one of my clients about I was like this Aquarius full moon that is happening has made me very very emotional on my birth chart.

My my moon is in Aquarius so I know on a full super moon that's in Aquarius I'm going to be feeling emotions and I was feeling emotions and I don't like those emotions I don't want to feel them but I was having this conversation with her we're catching up with the Neuro Spicy Academy it was not during a session because I don't give anybody my bullshit during a session.

I'm here to take care of it there anyways we're having this conversation I said I really just kind of felt like sad and not neglected but not appreciated and down in the muck and level and I know that when I catch myself feeling like this somebody from my past is really missing me somebody from my past is really thinking about me.

They're replaying how awesome we had of a time together and whatnot cause it was always great I promise you if you're close to me you're having a good fucking time and then something's going to happen where I'm going to go I can't be around you anymore this isn't going to work for me and then you're we're of course only going to remember the good times.

It's hard to remember the bad times right our brain does that to keep us safe so and I was talking to her about this the other day I said I know somebody from my past really thinking about me so I'm going to do a little bit of energy work I'm going to do a little spell I'm going to cut some energetic cords.

I'm going to be okay that was too that was not yesterday it was day before yesterday last night I had a dream about somebody from when I was 18 years old wow somebody from when I was 18 years old and we were hanging out in this dream like we were spending time together in this dream and in the dream.

I'm like I don't need to be around you I don't really like you we haven't seen each other in a very long time what are we doing and in the dream they're like no no no no no come on we're just going to hang out and I was like all right it was an X I was like I have to go home to my husband I don't know what you think is going to happen.

Get the fuck out of here and I woke up and I went Oh right so it's cause I had done my spells and I had called my power back and I was like all right spirit guides go ahead let me know who it is let me know who it is but make it cause now that they don't have that that connection to me anymore I cut their energetic tie with me.

And I made that like deal with my spirit guides a couple of years ago when I went through 2020 hit us all right 2020 hit us all and I found like my spirit team who they are how they help me how I hear from them how I can communicate with them and I have made some deals with them just to make my life easier.

Right so like one of them was when I was still working my job and trying to start my business my GM at the time at the restaurant I was working I was like Hey when are you going to quit and I was like what are you talking I don't have the time and energy to think about this it's like the things are going good.

Right well yeah I guess I am going to have to quit eventually you're on it I'm going quit so I just told my spirit guides right then and there I said make it clear when it's time to quit a few months later I walked in they said I had this thought in my brain that said this is as good as your business gets.

This is as good as your life gets if you stay in these four walls I said done! Two weeks in right so I have these deals with them because I don't have the bandwidth to be spinning all those plates I'm like okay so when is it time to make the next move in my business when is it time to protect my energy?

When is it time to launch a new thing I don't have the bandwidth for that so I have assigned it to them how have you been able to manage all of the demands

Rhia Batchelder: all of the demands oh gosh what a question I think I'm able to manage it by like truly prioritizing myself first like there are many demands but I don't wake up thinking about that because I have like really spent a lot of time.

Focused on what matters to me and like learning the lesson the hard way too of like this is how this shit's going to impact my health if I do not actively prioritize myself at all times so like my mornings are sacred I am off my phone I am with myself I am on a walk with my tree friends just like being a human being existing without any obligations.

And I've gotten really good at like the thought work of pulling away from like the like here's the one thing you have to do and you have to do this today Just like creating more space in my life so that when things are hitting the fan you know it's really crazy I can get through it I think so there are a number of ways.

I mean I walk every day as my stress management I Try to meditate and I did not meditate this week It really was like an absolutely fucking crazy week and I think it was the astrology but Usually i'm meditating so I like have more peace and i'm just like less responsive to all the things being put on me And then I think just like the knowledge I have learned I have really learned the lesson of like I don't care like it'll be okay like it's just going to work out.

And I am here living a human experience and I want to enjoy my life and so that requires me to actively try to enjoy my life every day and not fall into the stress and spiral traps and it takes work but it's

Melanie Branch: important it is important what's your favorite way to meditate

Rhia Batchelder: I actually have one of my friends is a meditation coach and she has a platform So i've known i've learned this about myself if I am doing any sort of habit or routine.

It has to be like the easiest Thing possible so she has an entire platform and I go there and I know what her voice is going to be and it has like it's a range by five to 10 minutes 10 to 15 minutes so I just do her meditations zen gen meditation I'll plug her she's amazing and I love them I love the show notes.

Okay amazing she is incredible and I do her like success like visualizing your dream life and success meditation I think that helps me like one of my confidence things is to really visualize me as my favorite self and remember that I get to show up as that person every day if I want to and yeah that is my favorite way to meditate.

Or walking outside and staring at trees I'm like obsessed with nature and trees and leaves and we'll go on walks and just Stare at plants and in my neighborhood there's everyone has their gardens in the front yard there's like wildflowers growing everywhere it's incredible so that's another way.

I'll I'll meditate just go stare at shit outside

Melanie Branch: so it's funny you should talk about trees this is some stuff that I've been doing some research into just so everybody knows I research at least two hours a day at least two hours of my day and that's very very that's a small day for me that is not working.

That's not working with clients or anything that's a very most days I spend more than two hours researching health and wellness topics as it pertains to entrepreneurs neurodivergence and and a variety of topics so the trees one of the reasons why as humans we have such a symbiotic relationship with the trees is scientifically.

Our poles and magnetic fields and whatnot are essentially a donut outside of us right so the stuff's coming in and coming back out and like the figure eight and whatnot I will find the graphics to link with the show notes because I'm not going to be able to explain it as well as I Can actually see it in my brain but trees have that same essentially force field vortex around them So when we get in a certain Distance of a tree.

You don't even have to be touching it to start exchanging your negative ions for their positive ones right so there's this I don't know if I'm getting the negative and positive right but we have these opposite they thrive on the negative and we thrive on the positive so going up to a tree putting your hands on it sitting against the tree putting your spine on it literally just combines your force fields and it essentially clears out your energetic fields.

Rhia Batchelder: I'm obsessed with that because I touch trees constantly and I didn't know this but it's just been like an

Melanie Branch: instinctual thing they could essentially energetically and psychically be calling to you to have that relationship together

Rhia Batchelder: cute I also have a favorite tree he's my tree friend I've named him Angus.

I asked him what his name was and he definitely told me Angus so I'm here for

Melanie Branch: the trees do have names and they do tell psychics their names there are certain psychics that work with trees and like we'll tell you what their names are how long they've been there who they really like to have around.

Yeah oh my

Rhia Batchelder: gosh I'm going to try to

Melanie Branch: hear more it's so I've been doing a lot of research it's one of my rabbit holes lately all of the plants so flower bushes everything that we that we get within a certain distance of when we get close by they can see us they have the same photoreceptors that we have in the back of our eyeballs that take.

What we see and turn it into the the neurons and the all the little electric things that make our brain go Oh I know what that is that's a tree that's a trash can that's a lamp that sort of stuff they have all those photoreceptors too so when you're going on your regular W A L K's I can't say the word because of my dogs those those plants that you pass all the time they're building a relationship with you.

They know it's you they know what you look like they know what you feel like and they're offering themselves to have that energetic exchange oh my gosh

Rhia Batchelder: that is so cute

Melanie Branch: I feel that is the cutest thing I'm very neurodivergent

Rhia Batchelder: guys I am also very nerdy and I am also a research queen so you're in good company.

I love nerdy women my number one favorite but I love

Melanie Branch: what are your favorite books what are your favorite books on this if I read if I get a book it's to read one part of it It's not to read the whole book my business partner reads books I do research I have to find every piece of information I possibly can on whatever topic it is until I feel like I got enough in the vault that I can move on to the next one.

Rhia Batchelder: I love that that's kind of what happened with burnout for me because I felt like there wasn't enough information about it and healing and then I just went so deep into it and then I was like Oh I've accidentally become an expert in this subject

Melanie Branch: you know so what are your thoughts on On Dr andrew Huberman he has a podcast that is very very popular.

I've been listening to a lot of it I will say because I don't know how many months it's going to take for this episode to get published I do have a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that we have very different ideal spiritually and I'm really hoping that it doesn't turn out that this episode ages well and that it doesn't turn out that he's like a fundamentalist or anything like that but Oh jeez.

But you know it's just because he's a cishet man he does have full sleeves underneath those button down shirts so that does say that does bode well for him I will say that in terms of me being able to hang out with this person if we were ever to meet but he has fantastic research and evidence on.

Eight step morning routine to be able to not ever have to deal with mental health issues physical health issues you know we are chronically ill yes girlies I'm here with you but he does have this morning routine that makes a lot of sense and does make me feel a lot better when I'm able to do it.

What are your morning routine must have non negotiable essentials

Rhia Batchelder: yes okay so I don't listen to his podcast cause I don't typically like to listen to podcasts from cis white men not someone I'm

Melanie Branch: trying Heard and agreed heard and agreed heard and agreed at this

Rhia Batchelder: point in my life like I have learned enough from white men.

Like they write our history books they write the legal books like I get it and I'm mostly interested in learning from so just putting that out there I haven't listened to very much of it I know it's very popular but that's not something I'm spending my time on consuming I do agree though morning routines are essential and they're usually where I start with my clients because like we have the most motivation of the day.

A lot of people try to do this like Oh when I get home from work I'm going to start going on an hour long walk and then painting and I'm like amazing but you're not going to do that when you're burned out you're not going to do that no you're not going to do it and so like don't set yourself up for failure.

Let's do something in the morning when you actually have some energy so that's the where I come from it and then like it's a great way to set yourself up to have some self connections so you kind of show up for yourself more throughout the day it's like you know what research shows us if you reach for your phone first thing you get your dopamine that way you're going to be chasing that same relationship with your phone the entire rest of the day the opposite can be true too.

So you know if you create some like quiet space for yourself you are more likely to just be checking in with yourself and your needs throughout the day so my morning routine Changes based on the season right now I love waking up and going outside first thing We know sun first thing is really good for circadian rhythm Which really helps me because I can get weird sleep schedules if i'm not really like taking care of myself super well and I also Love to meditate.

It just helps me respond less to stress throughout the day which keeps me in anti burnout mode which I love because as we know being an entrepreneur is like a million tasks all at once and a million ideas and a million things you could be doing and it's just so much pressure as well so I have to you know really prioritize my stress management.

And then often I do a mindset journal thing that was one of the first personal development tools I started okay with and I love it I write in the mindset I want for the day I kind of manifest the things that I want to come through for me and it helps me stay out of like the dark place in my head.

I've had a lot of mental health issues myself and dealt with depression for a long time and I know I have to be like actively engaging in positivity and like mindset work to to not go to the negative first thing so that really just helps me Be like okay yeah I'm going to take the day from this place.

And it reminds me I don't know it's just like helps my brain set up to be the person I want to be in the day those are my my favorite things I think staying off your phone is essential and if you're hearing this and you're just starting you don't need to do an eight step morning routine I actually take issue usually with like the prescriptive This is what it needs to be because people tend to not be able to do it Then they feel bad about themselves when you're shaming yourself when you're beating yourself up.

You're not gonna continue trying You're not gonna have to continue trying it's like if you do something for someone else and then they yell at you You're gonna be like all right fuck you I'm never doing anything for you again And the same thing is true with ourselves if we like try to do this routine or 75 hard or something that feet like look good.

Oh I can't

Melanie Branch: stand 75 hard if you have ADHD I'll tell you right now I will tell you right now if you have ADHD and you think you have autism or if you know you have both or either do not do the 75 hard it is not going to work for you

Rhia Batchelder: it's not going to work for anyone if even if you get through it and you're able to do it then you're going to go great.

I'm not going to work out for a month now because I just pushed myself so hard for two and a half months working out two times a day I need a break and that's not how you build habits right like that is not helpful your

Melanie Branch: lifestyle changes should not dominate your thoughts if your lifestyle changes are the only thing they're able to think about you're not going to be successful especially if you're running a business or businesses.

I'm running two businesses I'm running my coaching business and I'm running the Neuro Spicy Academy with my business partner Christina with the blue hair ooh ooh shout out to her and the rest of the team but if you're I can have my lifestyle changes take over because I'm researching lifestyle changes for my clients right?

I'm like okay here's the new meditation that I got and I really really liked this one I want you to listen to this while you go on your double your WALK this weekend right all that but that's my motherfucking job my business partner doesn't have fucking time to do all that that's why she got me right?

So you have to really remember like if you're going to start the keto diet or you're going to go vegan or you're going to start 75 hard or you're going to do all this it's going to dominate your brain and then you're not going to have any bandwidth and energy left to do all the things that you need to do.

You can't be counting how many calories are in the chicken breast and how many is in this and what is in that and what will happen if I do this and I take that you won't have anything left for anything listen especially my chronically ill girlies no no what you want to do is be making choices that make you feel good.

Every choice that I make is strategic right so I know when I wake up in the morning I may not feel like throwing the frozen bananas and stuff and the the making the protein shake with the wet chia seeds and I don't want to do all that but I also know if I don't start my day with 25 grams of protein I'm a dickhead.

I'm an asshole right I have no energy I'm cranky I don't like people I make poor choices when it comes to food and I just know if I make this I will be the best I will have the best chances

Rhia Batchelder: to be my best self yeah right exactly and that's what your morning should be and that's going to be different for every single person in my opinion.

It's going to be a different day to day yeah right some days are going to be crazy and you only have 10 minutes and it's like being able to be like Alright that's okay I'll take my 10 minutes and I will show up for myself I'll do something like you said Melanie that makes me actually feel good and that's what I'm focused on.

Like that's what it should be versus this is what some influencer told me is going to Change all my problems and like fix all my and make it so I never hate myself ever again It's like we think that sounds so good and it's so enticing then you don't have to do like the work of actually loving yourself which is effort and Challenging and you have to feel feelings and all the things so it's really enticing and tempting to think that like just This thing that you pluck from someone else is going to make you feel good.

But ultimately the typically makes people feel worse a lot of clients come to me hey I like tried this 10 step thing I couldn't maintain it I feel like a failure it's like you're not a failure it's just not a fit for you like it just doesn't work for you that's okay you don't need to be copying what some like dude with a podcast told you have to be doing if you if it doesn't feel good.

It doesn't work with your lifestyle or your personality or whatever

Melanie Branch: one word juicing I did it for like three days and then I was doing more research and half of the population I mean there's there's Eastern medicine traditional Chinese medicine that says don't drink raw cold juice that's too hard on your system.

And then there's this Western world that's like no this is great and then the other people are like there's no fiber in it other people are like well it's gonna make gave me no more cancer and it did this and it did that it's like maybe we can check in with ourself all the time yeah do you like juice?

Do you like juice that's the question like does this actually make you feel good because there is a portion of the population where fermented foods does not do you good right I was at a point in my gut health a couple months ago before I started working with somebody on that where fermented foods fucked me up and made me real not good.

Right but I had to do the research and then I had to check in with myself to make sure like is this actually working right like there's some people that I I mean I found out I'm allergic to penis because of mast cell activation syndrome which has every comorbidity to do with ADHD autism mast cell activation syndrome POTS and Ehlers Danlos hypermobility.

I essentially got five diagnoses in one when I did all of my research and said all of these problems all of these problems that you have to go to 20 different doctors for it's all just from this one main and if I can do all this with my lifestyle I can limit what happens right so like when I eat peanuts I don't go into anaphylactic shock.

Like my throat is not closing but anaphylaxis can actually manifest as doom thoughts right the world is ending and it's because your brain is reacting going No! Attack! Fuck! Right so you're getting these feelings of impending doom but your throat's not closing up but I knew that I was allergic to these to these peanuts because As I was starting my walking journey I would flare up.

I would get covered in hives if I had a handful of peanut or like a scoop full of peanut butter a handful of peanuts for a walk my body from all the friction of like your shorts moving on you and whatnot and having these peanuts I was just covered in hives I had to turn around one day and went Oh so then I had to look at every food.

Every food that I was eating I was like how is this going to make me feel cause it gets worse if you're stressed out it gets worse if you're super excited right so like all of this research like you said on burnout really doesn't exist so it's up to people like you people like me to say all right I'm working with people that have all these symptoms and these are the things that we're doing to

Rhia Batchelder: make them better.

Yeah I had no idea that being allergic to something can cause doom thoughts but it makes so much sense

Melanie Branch: yep blew my mind the feelings of impending doom I believe is what the scientific description is feelings of impending doom and I said bitch who hasn't love I was having the first mile of every walk I was on.

I was like my brain was telling me turn around you're going to break your ankle you're going to break it you're going to be five miles away from home really you're going to have a broken wrist oh no and then somebody's going to take you and they're going to and it's cause I was eating peanuts.

That's terrible that's terrible that's

Rhia Batchelder: terrible yes that is terrible I carry a really fancy taser to help with some of those doom thoughts

Melanie Branch: I also try and remind myself like you're 37 and you're not Right you have pink and purple hair and you are not clear like it's going to be hard to break you.

You look hard to break like just remember you're not quite the demographic that they're going for anymore I know I still feel 16 in my brain but you know trying to come back to reality is an important thing for myself as well so what would you say right now for anybody listening who is a busy working entrepreneur or in the corporate world woman lots of demands lots of things that her energy and and focus is being pulled to and really just wants to start cultivating more control so that they can get out of this cycle of working themselves to the point of burnout.

Rhia Batchelder: Yeah I think oh gosh there's so many answers to this question and like if I was in a client session I'd have a million more questions for the person to flesh out exactly what's going to work best but I would say the no phones first thing like it just sends your brain into other people's worlds too much.

Like stay in your own world for a little bit in the morning stay like in your own space versus jumping in immediately to this is what I need to do and you also need to create space in your life where you're not running through that mental stew list because I know so many women especially we have so many things to do at work and then it's also the home and it's friends and it's birthday parties and gifts and who needs what from me and it can be constant.

So if you are in a place where you're not having any breaks from that we got to figure out a solution to that is that you go to kick boxing class I have a mom of two a little kids as a client and she when we first started working together yeah she needed something that totally took her out of her mental to do list and going and punching some shit was the number one thing that worked for her.

She's like I can't think about anything else I'm exhausted I'm moving through some like rage I have that I didn't know was there it feels good I feel less snappy I like get I know I get this time to go hit some shit when my kids are running around making me crazy in the morning so like creating some sort of space for yourself where you get to just not think and it could be doing something really physical if you're really challenged with the not thinking portion.

Like you need breaks to just not be doing everything for everyone I think is essential and like developing yourself outside of being the giver is I also think it's really important to like if you go to a park for 30 minutes if you have kids hand off your kids leave the house go to a park for 30 minutes and just sit there and exist as a person again without doing anything like I can be uncomfortable at first if you're just starting this but that has to start happening so that you can.

Keep your raft afloat otherwise it's gonna start like you're gonna get holes in that burnout is gonna come for you I know like the oh it won't happen to me I can handle this I got it I got it I got it because I did that until I was in a pit that was ten feet deep and then I was like clawing my way out being like what the hell just happened to me?

So create that like space and start doing like little things that are realistic that feel good just for yourself where you're not producing anything for anyone else for a little bit of time each week and then you can start building from there yeah I think the key is always like doing something that feels realistic that feels good.

So you keep doing it

Melanie Branch: too yeah absolutely I feel like the most surprising thing that happened to me and that I see a lot of my clients go through is realizing when you're on a personal development journey How many people are not going to come with you right so like Oh my God you can take the perspective that initial perspective especially when we've been exterior seeking validation right?

So like all of your validation comes from outside once you really start going within and being like okay well this is all the stuff I'm learning and people go I don't I don't Oh you don't drink alcohol anymore oh do you think you're better than us oh you meditate every day I already think you're better than us and your light that you start to increase and start shining on people just starts exposing the areas of.

They're where they're dissatisfied where they're not willing to put in any work and where they don't want to take a look and like start taking any accountability so naturally you guys just have to separate right so I was so surprised in the beginning who all wasn't going to go with me and now I like to take on the mindset of like nobody's welcome.

To go with me if they're not happy about the path like I'm a tourist I will create the path I'm going the way I'm going I'm going at the speed I want to fucking get there I don't need directions and you're well you can even hop on my back and like go in the same but you can't tell me what to do you can't tell me I'm doing it wrong.

You can't say we got to turn somewhere like I'm only interested in this you can come with me but I'm only interested in this and it I mean now I talk to one person in real life who's a friend and all my other friends are because you know we talked about masking a little bit it's like I'm no longer willing to be a person that does emotional labor.

That's manipulation of the people around me like if you're not comfortable with the fact that I'm like stimming and I have to rock back and forth to regulate myself that makes me uncomfortable I'm out

Rhia Batchelder: yeah yeah yeah and that to me is self care like making that decision of here's what I require from people around me.

I think that's something to all women should be doing what are your standards like what do you need in every situation in your relationships and your friendships at work with your self relationship like what do you need because most of us never we don't ask ourselves that question like we talked about the conditioning of look outside of yourself constantly and fit into the group.

Like how can you make everything cohesive how can you make everyone comfortable then it's getting to that place which most of us get to in our thirties if we're lucky because as we mentioned a lot of people are still on autopilot A lot of people don't want to live intentionally They're uncomfortable and if you start Showing up really intentionally doing reflection deep reflection on your needs like communicating more.

Some people are going to be like Hell no that is so overwhelming to me I want to live in my little autopilot life I want to never check in with myself and the fact that you're doing this and you're doing it out loud is upsetting me or I I feel the need to be masking so the fact that you're not asking is making me feel threatened or whatever it is.

And I think part of self care is learning to step away from people yeah who don't fit you anymore and that definitely happens when you start showing up for yourself and doing personal development I've had many shifts in friendship circles along my like healing journey

Melanie Branch: yeah people just fall just fall out.

This person I saw this on social media the other day so I was like this is really good I'm going to post this on my threads and it says if they cannot handle your no they were comfortable abusing your yes.

Turn the knife counter clockwise and throw some salt in there please because what

Rhia Batchelder: a hundred percent I mean this is true even at work I was talking to a client this week about interviewing to prevent burnout and so a lot of what I do with professionals is like okay let's flesh out what works for you at work and what doesn't.

And a lot of people are like oh I don't just have to go to each job and jump from job to job and accept whatever is given to me and it's like no I don't want you doing that anymore I want you making choices based on you everyone has different stressors everyone has different vibes that work for them dynamics tasks all those things.

And then in interviews you can go in and ask them questions that are really going to give you the information you need based on what we know about what you need at work and one of my clients this week was like is that allowed and it was the same idea it was like if someone's going to freak out because you asked them to tell you about their management style they are going to abuse you in that role.

Like you are never going to be listened to your needs are not going to matter your feedback is never going to be welcome and you will likely burn out so now you have that crucial information so it's like learning to ask for what you need say the no do those things it's going to put you in a position where more people are going to.

Say no to you or like withdraw from you but that helps you flesh out what is for you and what it's not like learning to be okay with the discomfort of people falling off of like you're not getting every single gold star from work or every single job offer but knowing that by showing up that way by being your full self and owning.

your shit you're going to attract the things to you that you want and so it's like hard to start doing but then you ultimately see the people who are falling away the things that are falling away were never yours they were never meant to be in your life and it feels so much better when you can get past the like fear because I know a lot of us deal with people pleasing that fear of like Oh well what if they have a reaction to what I say?

Who cares everyone's allowed to have a reaction to what you say yeah and then you get

Melanie Branch: to decide and that's none of your responsibility what somebody else does what somebody else says what somebody else feels that's none of your responsibility

Rhia Batchelder: it can't be how exhausting to carry that then we are never gonna get to be ourselves.

And I know like again I will say I say this all the time people pleasing perfectionism all that shit is is conditioning like those are na not innate qualities none of us come out like people pleasing babies no we cre we cra we scream we cry we learn to take up space we ask for what do we need and then we are taught that that's too much.

And I think what's really cool about women right now as a collective is I think we're really starting to untangle that and go wait a minute no I don't care if you think I'm too much I don't care if I'm being told I've been told I've been too much for my whole life I'm still going to show up exactly as I am and see who likes me and then be with those people or see what jobs fit and go there or see who's impressed by me and work with them.

You know you don't have to no if you are being your full self if you are being a powerful woman today you are going to put some people off and like that just has to be okay with you oh my God I'm sure you know this like just from being online the vitriol of that people have towards women with opinion is insane.

Just truly

Melanie Branch: it really really I have a group of white dudes that attack me in my videos a lot and they go you charge too much money you're not qualified and I'm like okay buddy I'm a business mindset coach with a business degree they go on my website and they read everything and then they choose what to pay attention to and what to quote and they're Oh you take advantage of people in ADHD and I listen buddy I am an ADHD autistic person with a lot of other comorbid diagnoses that I don't even feel like diving into in front of you because I don't have to explain myself to you.

Yeah and I've done five plus years of research in my field and I've created programs that provide valuable transformation for a specific subset of humans I don't work with men so you're not welcome here they don't like it when you tell them that and I have completely decentered men from my world.

And I've completely decentered neuro typical alistic people to the point where I go out to the grocery store and I'm like previously thinking maybe everybody is neurodivergent and then I go to the grocery store and I go no no no no get me back in my bubble I don't want to be here I don't want to be around these people no no no no no.

And there's so many lessons to learn it's like if you're bitching about anything that I do take your time and energy and apply it to your own life first

Rhia Batchelder: and foremost oh my god I know it's hilarious like I would never waste my time commenting negative things on other people because I have a whole life and I'm busy changing the world.

So that's the best view and it doesn't make any

Melanie Branch: sense it's such a waste of time that you're doing your research on me you're doing your research on me and then as soon as I comment something back to you you shut the fuck up because you don't know what to say because the one puppeteer master is going after all of us ADHD coaches.

I who I've blocked of course only says these these couple of things and then when I say well what about this I go so I had one guy a fellow ADHD coach who has like 600 000 followers he commented on something the other day he goes Oh a thousand dollars a month is actually really good if there's this and this and this involved which again I appreciate the support but because it's coming from a man.

And because the next thing out of the troll's mouth was Oh but she's not qualified and I just went let them have this conversation let them have this conversation I don't have to tell like every time I say I only work with women who own businesses that shuts them right now because how can I take advantage of somebody?

I can't tell somebody pay me all this money and work with me every single day and work with me weekly on our calls and do all I can't make somebody do that

Rhia Batchelder: what right I know what it's exhausting

Melanie Branch: what like what are we spending our time on right get out of your mom's basement what

Rhia Batchelder: are we a hundred percent.

I they like to attack me and tell me especially like they attack my voice a lot cause I know I have a girly voice I have a little bit of speech impediments and sometimes I lisp a little speech impediments you guys yes thank you but and so I get a lot of attacks of yeah what a grift you're not smart.

You're so stupid like an executive would ever work for you and it's hilarious because I got a full ride scholarship to a top five law school I worked at the very top law firms in the country I worked on front page news cases with millions and billions of dollars at stake I was in rooms with FBI and DOJ for my clients.

Like you want to pretend like I'm not smart is absolutely hilarious like you can call me other things but please objectively like that is untrue but then they'll come for you about I get comments on my boobs all the time and how that like Somehow interacts with my intelligence which is in theory to me it's actually the one year anniversary of me posting a tick tock where I was walking and like kind of recorded myself in a workout top sports bra.

Like totally normal outfit I am kind of a petite person and I have boobs I do and so you know sometimes they move when I walk as well because that is the way that our bodies work and it went so viral it got millions of views but like because So many men were just commenting boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs they just commented that a million times and then like you did this on purpose you knew exactly what you were doing like you're a a slut like all this stuff and it's like I was this is the way I walk around in the summer heat.

This is my this is just a tank top I am just this is my physical appearance I did not do anything to it I'm just moving around the world and I have just found that no matter what they want to cut you down I found this in my professional life too they're

Melanie Branch: just like trying to discredit you there are people that wake up to scream at yeah there are people that wake up every day and decide what stranger they want to scream at on the internet today.

Yeah

Rhia Batchelder: yeah yeah and they're especially threatened when they see a woman like with strong opinions daring to take up space online how dare you state your opinions to the world I had another guy comment this week be like you sound like you have a God complex because you ended your sentence with self.

And I was like what are you talking about like why are you here

Melanie Branch: yeah like you know if you don't like me you can just stop commenting on all my shit and you'll never see me again

Rhia Batchelder: just scroll baby just scroll and also you're commenting on Now the algorithm is going to show you more of my stuff and also thank you for the engagement.

Cause it does help me find other people but it just is ridiculous and I do the men attacking you is so real and it's so incredibly frustrating it's just like yeah if you were actually successful you wouldn't be online trolling women you don't know and we know that about you so you're actually embarrassing

Melanie Branch: yourself.

It's the thing it's like if I'm I'm down here fighting the bull I'm in I'm on stage I can't hear or care about what's happening in the nosebleed section that's not my concern I'm I'm only interested in other matadors

Rhia Batchelder: yeah I think it's hard not to fight back because you're like well this is objectively untrue and here are my qualifications and you want to like say that sometimes I do and sometimes I just like laugh at them.

But I'm I'm also learning to just be like I can't hear you I don't have time for you I don't have space for you you can comment and I'll leave it because it helps my engagement rate and hopefully this video will reach more people I actually care about but it is challenging sometimes because you're just like I know I could eviscerate you but maybe I shouldn't waste my time on

Melanie Branch: that.

Maybe that is the universe saying Hey here's your opportunity to really level up quantum shift here's the same really piss you off opportunity and situation scenario and you can choose to act differently where you just look at it and go This person must have the worst fucking life I'm gonna keep moving.

Rhia Batchelder: It's true they probably do one of the guys who was commenting just posted a bunch of pictures of pocket knives and I was like that's scary so I blocked him I actually

Melanie Branch: every time I get a new follower I do check them for the most part oh do you I I do spend some time each day for the most part going through my followers.

Not if I have if I have something really growing viral it's obviously not possible but I haven't I haven't been trying to grow at a viral rate for a very long time so I am able to control it and I totally restructured and repositioned my company in the past like eight months or so I had like the time cause I wasn't posting on social media so much.

But if it's a man and he does not have LGBTQI plus stuff on his thing I blocked that yeah

Rhia Batchelder: men typically they'll follow me when they see the burnout stuff and then they unfollow me they're like Oh no this is not this is not for me

Melanie Branch: I won't do any any sort of man that does not but if you're gay or part of the LGBTQI plus community I'm here for it.

But if you're a straight cis het dude you're going to get blocked just so we

Rhia Batchelder: I have a couple straight guys who are actually the best they just like always are like go off queen they're just like sending me little affirmations throughout the day they're like I think they're called reply guys and I actually really enjoy them.

And they're never weird about it they're never weird about it they're never like asking for too much or like trying to meet me they're just like wow this is awesome love this heart eye emojis and I'm just like thanks guys

Melanie Branch: oh my god what different they comment on your boobs they comment on my face I get people that go oh my god your face.

And I'm like look at it or sometimes I comment back and I go you like like I just try and act so stupid like I don't know what they're saying cause they're treating me like I'm so stupid I'm like okay why can't I be a business coach a business mindset coach why not what what trainings do I need?

What kind of degree do I need what can you tell me can you fix the problem sir and then they get really pissed off because they can't fix the problem yeah they just want to be

Rhia Batchelder: mad they just want

Melanie Branch: to They really are committed to their misery yeah committed to their misery they're committed

Rhia Batchelder: to their misery and they're committed to the theory that like if they feel more superior than women then they're going to feel successful or manly or whatever it is.

Melanie Branch: I think they feel like they deserve to be more relevant than women like I think they inherently think that they're better than us and that we should

Rhia Batchelder: know that yeah I don't think it's inherent but I think it's a hundred percent conditioning especially in our culture I mean like run like a girl.

Inherent

Melanie Branch: because of the conditioning it's like expected at this point the same way it's expected that we take care of everybody around us except for ourselves yeah

Rhia Batchelder: yeah men are taught that women are silly women are like emotional women are too much and blah blah blah blah you shouldn't run like a girl or throw like a girl or whatever.

And they get that told that from a really young age I mean it starts at like six or seven years old and then they're told that through their whole lives and then you have to be able to collect women to be a man like you have to be able to collect them and not care about them and all of this stuff And it really has just put us in a place where we are not compatible

In so many ways we are just not seeing each other but yeah I think men especially just don't see us as full people a lot of men not all men like sure Whatever i'm sure we'll get that comment but a lot of men Do not see us as full people and do not and so it's really like uncomfortable to them when we're stepping outside of what we're supposed to be that little like Barbie box so to speak to be culturally relevant at this moment.

But when we step outside of that they're like no no no get back in your box shut up and be cute for me otherwise I'm my worldview is being threatened and for some reason my masculinity by this random stranger online

Melanie Branch: yeah that part some stranger online has threatened my masculinity can you imagine being so fragile?

No I'm not

Rhia Batchelder: no I cannot it really is so much them and the boomers boomers are also really fragile I know they like to call us snowflakes but they're always in my comments being like People just don't want to work hard these days and it's like I

Melanie Branch: don't you're right I don't want to work myself to the point of getting sick.

Rhia Batchelder: Right yeah maybe we don't all want heart attacks in our 60s you know I don't is that the worst thing that's ever happened is that

Melanie Branch: the worst thing no ria it has been so incredible and amazing having you on the show it will be in the show notes but I want you to go ahead and tell everybody where they can find you on socials how they can work with you all that good stuff.

And then I will have you leave us with words of wisdom for all the wonderful people that are listening

Rhia Batchelder: excellent you can find me at rebuild with ria R H I A as we were talking before we started my full name is Ria and I like the Fleetwood Mac song but I go by Ria it's the best namesake that's ever existed.

So you can find me there on TikTok and Instagram and my website is rebuildwithria com I have a number of offerings if you're dealing with burnout you want to set up habits and routines you want to understand stress management how to reduce stressors at work and otherwise how to find aligned jobs how to build confidence.

I do all of those things so Just DM me and I can send you a service guide and we can talk more about it and then words of wisdom I think my words of wisdom today will be it's much easier to prevent burnout than it is to heal from it so even if you're not there already prioritizing actually taking care of yourself learning what fulfillment feels Like to you learning what your needs are in all areas of your life that is crucial for all of us trying to live a happy well lifestyle.

And it's just so much easier to do ahead of time so start now but if you get into the pit you can also climb your way out I promise you'll come back

Melanie Branch: we'll throw you a rope yeah all right thank you so much for being here I love you all equally and for different reasons remember to do your research and take care of yourself and we'll talk again really soon.

Okay bye

Rhia Batchelder: bye everybody