Episode #032 — Shaping a Neurodiverse Business Future with E B Johnson

Melanie Branch: Hello and welcome there we go hello and welcome to another episode of trailblazers rising where I am bringing to you stories from fabulously successful neurodivergent entrepreneurs and today with me this might be a long episode just ahead of time so you all know I have my mutual friend who I have been casually stalking on social media for about a year but you know I don't understand time.

E B Johnson the real

E B Johnson: E B Johnson say hello I'm so excited to be here it's going to be good it's going to be tasty juicy

Melanie Branch: it's going to be real good little disclaimer at a time none of this is medical advice blah blah blah blah blah use your discernment we're going to get into some weird deep shit.

And you're going to feel a lot of things at the end of this episode so EB Johnson your story not TikToks and know your story at all that would be creepy and weird your story begins with you're adopted

E B Johnson: I am yes right yeah I was adopted

Melanie Branch: and your mom was a narcissistic hoarder person and you now after going through all your trials and tribulations and all of your studies to put your pain into power you now help people.

Escape or deal with heal from their narcissistic abuse yes please tell us everything yes

E B Johnson: yeah so yeah that's pretty much that's it on the in the tin can right it was adopted very my birth mother already kind of started that narcissistic woman pattern for me nice and early and she threw me right into the arms of another narcissistic woman who was a major hoarder.

She did have a lot of trauma but she knew about it and she decided to just kind of weaponize it so grew up with that narcissistic mother the only daughter so that was a very very fun war zone and yeah that's I kind of got to a point after my mother died in 2017 where it was rock bottom for me emotionally.

I thought I had been at rock bottom before but that was it and I went through a year of hard hardcore therapy with a psychologist and That's when I knew I had to do something I had to put it out there I had cause I knew there were so many other people like me because you know my my therapist was the one that was like I think you realize that your mother sucked as well.

Like you were grown up in a bad situation and that's what I did I started writing on medium com and that very quickly turned into a coaching practice where you know that's it I try to help people recover from these really chaotic dysfunctional confusing backgrounds because it's so it's so misunderstood so much of the work the research behind all this trauma and chaos it's really just coming to the surface now.

So you know we're just kind of getting into the really good parts and kind of understanding what happened to us

Melanie Branch: you know when I started my you know self healing spiritual awakening all the weird shit you know it was 2020 for me just like so many others my mom had just died from stage four head and neck cancer.

It was so sorry we got shut down in March and she died in April and I was a furloughed employee at the very busy restaurant there was a lot of peanut butter whiskey I was nursing my friend back to life at my house from a breakup two weeks after my mom had died so things were askew in my life we're not we'll say that things were not very balanced and I was definitely the human giver.

Right now in these past couple of years I've really been unpacking trauma and I always thought as many others do that trauma is some big gigantic thing you know it's a molestation it's a attack it's a house burned down something like that but trauma is literally just anything that you experience that your brain cannot process at that time.

E B Johnson: A hundred percent you just have to be overwhelmed it has to trigger your autonomic nervous system essentially that limbic system inside of you as well if that's triggered that's it you know that's trauma that's essentially what it is

Melanie Branch: yeah so I grew up in a very dissimilar situation we were well off.

My dad had his own architecture practice my mom was a stay at home mom for everything that I could remember they were both Alcoholics and and other things and stuff there it was not a healthy home it was not a safe home for an undiagnosed ADHD autistic girl who was the youngest and was scapegoated because she always saw the world for what it is.

I literally remember sitting in church we went my sister and I had started elementary school she's a few years older than me and apparently we came home from elementary school going why don't we go to church everybody else goes to church why don't we go to church so I remember my parents rolling their eyes and saying okay well we'll go to church but you're going to see that very soon that you just want to worship St.

Springs of the mattress they were so proud of that saying and so we went to church a couple of times and I remember sitting there in the big congregation a big Presbyterian church so it was all blue hairs and white people yeah and I remember sitting there and having this thought as a small human I was probably seven years old eight years old.

I remember having this feeling of everybody in here feels like they're lying and like they hate it and like they don't want to be here and this is icky and I don't like it this doesn't feel good so I tried telling my parents like Hey I don't want to do this they're like we told you I don't want to wake up.

We told you oh my goodness I was like no I really just don't like somebody telling me what to believe pDA autistic what I also don't like that everybody in here is lying energy healers psychic intuitive what so now when I look back on the gas lighting that I received as a child and a young adult and a teenager and whatnot like bitch I graduated high school a semester early.

And moved to Tampa Florida two hours away to start college when I was 17 I couldn't even buy my own cigarettes and I was paying my own

E B Johnson: rent yeah that's how the pattern happens that's that's so crazy to me as well the way we just kind of like no we don't even really understand what's going on we don't know but we eject ourselves over and over again out of that environment as quickly and as often as possible so it happens every time you look at a situation.

Melanie Branch: It's just to grow up and we have just said this before we started pressing play you know when I was 16 I was 30 I was a grown ass bitch when I was 16 years old dating grown ass men and now that I'm 37 I'm like I'm 12 and I just want to wear my emo eyeliner and yeah

E B Johnson: I'm so there I'm there

Melanie Branch: It's like

E B Johnson: nobody warned me about this Well that's part of the trauma healing as well right?

It's it's it's also kind of ADHD and autism and all other kinds of underneath the neurodivergent umbrella there but it's that kind of that reversion that going back to that child itself and I think it's healing I tell all of my clients that's 1 of the best things you can do is do like joyful inner child work.

For instance so Christmas is always a bad time for me and it's a bad time for a lot of my clients because When you have a toxic parent the stress of that holiday season It doesn't matter even if they're narcissistic or not but usually that turns a chaotic home even more chaotic And so a lot of my clients experience a lot of physical distress around the holidays just months before christmas It's the build up and I always tell them that inner child work that letting yourself Give yourself the Christmas you didn't have.

Buy those toys get on eBay and find that toy from 1993 if that's what it takes tamagotchi! Yes I have one in there I did it I did it I did it last year 100% it's like a 1996 Tamagotchi yeah no 100% it's that joy it's like having fun let yourself slide back into that give yourself that childhood you never got so that you can kind of get over that hurdle and it doesn't take such an emotional toll and you can empower yourself.

Build your business or build better relationships or whatever it is

Melanie Branch: so it's funny you should say this this is something that I've been talking to some of my clients about and I've been sending out in my emails to my list so make sure you're subscribed to that because that's really where I treat everybody like they're a group.

I don't have a free Facebook group or anything like that because I hate Facebook but I'll send an email four times a day anyways so this thing that I have been really sort of perfecting instead of habit stacking because we know it's neurodivergent brains we don't have enough dopamine for a habit I have to think about brushing my teeth.

I have to think about taking a shower no wonder we're exhausted all the time our brain is constantly going right what I like to do is impact stacking so when I go for a bike ride or a walk I am exercising meditating inner child healing business planning walking I'm responding to my client messages a lot of the time or sometimes I'm so not in the fucking mood that I am scrolling social media while I'm walking and I'm just flabbergasted at how graceful I am and able to do that.

But like I just I can't there were so many things that I wasn't doing in my life because I didn't want to do it the proper way I don't want to just go for a walk and listen to nature and pay attention and not I was like I got shit to do if I'm going to take a if I'm going to walk 25 miles a goddamn week which turns into that turns out to be about five four mile days and one eight mile day.

Just so everybody knows something like that I don't know I have dyscalculia but the benefits of the walking I was like then let's add some shit on top of this right I love that I mean inner child work is so important and we know that play is one of the most motivating of the key motivators in the pinch motivator method of play interest novelty competition and

E B Johnson: haste.

Absolutely and if you just break it down to even just that basic chemical level it releases you know all the good hormones all those nice things that you want to feel it also helps to activate the somatic nervous system which is the one that helps to calm you and helps to counteract the autonomic nervous system which is fight or flight so literally just being joyful playing.

It creates positive associations it releases those positive chemicals and it literally helps you process you know those big emotional hurdles and I love that impact stacking because that's you know again like I tell my clients you don't have to sit in a room and just listen to a guided meditation.

Put it on your headphones go out and walk the dog go and ride a bike you know whatever you're going to do go kayak in a river and listen to it that is so powerful because it you're very right we can't just really like sit still and we don't have to stick ourselves in the boxes I think that was such a hard lesson for me to learn as well.

It was such a hard lesson

Melanie Branch: yeah yeah well and I think about it too as an entrepreneur with big gigantic dreams you know I'm going to be on big gigantic stages multiple books and all that sort of stuff out big dreams baby your health is so important I think about all of the entrepreneurs that I look up to in some way shape or form from Tony Robbins.

You got to take it with a little bit of salt every single person you have to use your discernment and you have to take it with a little bit of salt but I'll tell you what that motherfucker really cornered the market so like he knows what the fuck he's doing like the Real Housewives the Real Housewives that we love are the ones that understood the assignment.

Yep yes right but all of these entrepreneurs understand that health and wealth they're only different by one letter and that's a there's a reason so if walking is what's going to help my body and my brain be the best that it can possibly be aren't we so

E B Johnson: lucky yes and I tell you I tell my clients you go out and you just try different things like one day Maybe you're moving furniture.

Maybe you're getting up and cooking a new recipe because that's what gets you up That's what gets you moving or you go and take a class or you know Like I said just walk the dog mow the grass it doesn't have to be like a fitness regime it doesn't have to be yeah grandiose thing that somehow feeds your image you just have to move You know just move and do something.

So you

Melanie Branch: mentioned mowing the lawn and I have to tell you what do you know about quantum leaping quantum shifting quantum jumping

E B Johnson: my understanding is very very basic of that I'm very curious about it I'm very interested in it but I would say pretty pretty pretty basic

Melanie Branch: okay so the last time I mowed the lawn which is ADHD let me follow the line so everybody can stay with me on this little off hike.

Okay to quantum shift right which is essentially anytime that you think I want to be my best self right I want to be connected to my higher self I want to be on my highest path blah blah blah blah blah everything in its highest form blah blah it's all woo woo but woo woo is based in the science so.

The idea of quantum shifting that makes sense for me is that every single possible timeline we could be on is all happening at the same time just on top or lower right so it's like when hold on let me take a look okay don't fall so these are all the timelines right all these pages in a book so I can go from this page to this page without having to read all that shit and go near near near near.

So if you were the linear time that we perceive would be to read this book from page 1 to page whatever right but to quantum shift using my energy I can go from page 30 to page 80 if I'm doing the right shit

E B Johnson: I like that that makes a lot of sense

Melanie Branch: thank you so the way that you quantum shift is that you make these little micro changes every day with mindfulness and with living with intention right?

And then after a few days of that of really being intentional really making little shifts right so like if you would have normally yelled in a situation and you don't yell that's a micro shift boom look we did it bitch right then in one day you do something totally out of your normal schedule and for me it was mowing the lawn because I haven't mowed the lawn in a very long time but I mowed the lawn and I trimmed the bushes and I did all like I did all this stuff in like a two hour period.

And then when I came in you can feel the quantum shift happen it's when you have a gigantic moment of deja vu where you get the womp womp so you're like I've been here before I've done this before that's literally you being conscious of going to 30 pages ahead

E B Johnson: yeah going to your next thing that's very very similar to what we do in the cognitive stuff you know cause it is like I was telling I was talking to someone the other day I had the worst day the absolute worst day.

A few days ago it was really struggling it was like one of those business days as well where everything goes wrong with every single client and you get every email you don't want to get and it was the absolute nightmare and I just stopped myself and said I'm just going to choose to be that person as in like my ideal person.

And for the rest of the day every single time I was encountered with any choice whether that was a reaction or an interaction whatever it was I said what would she do what is that woman doing and I did that and it feels that way when you do that it's very very similar it's putting yourself into that position very intentionally and it only happens again little stuff right?

It was responding saying no to an offer that got made which meant I got a day off later this week And so I was gonna actually get to decompress from another very stressed week it's just those little tiny things Significant changes that's all you got to do

Melanie Branch: and then when you don't have the really really thick experience of deja vu you can also tell that you have shifted into a higher timeline because something like an exercise you've been doing becomes a lot easier right?

So the next time I went on my walk I was fucking flying I was 3 2 miles per hour without heavy breathing without thinking about it right because normally I have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and POTS and mast cell activation so there are some days where literally when I'm walking I look like a rag doll because my hips are like I don't know what's happening.

And my shoulders like I don't know what's happening I'm like okay well we're going to just we're going to it's not pretty but we're going to do it and then there's other days yeah then there's other days where I'm like this is blah blah blah right it just depends on what my body's doing but that next walk that I went on I was fucking trucking it.

And I said okay higher reality I'm ready for it what do we got what does it mean what does it mean so you just just be cognizant of the micro shifts right and using your mindset and your intention to not relapse into the old stuff I relapsed yesterday and had a big yelling big

E B Johnson: yelling that's a test.

It's just that's you getting an opportunity to like reaffirm who and what you want to be you know

Melanie Branch: absolutely right and the old mindset would have been Oh I can't believe I did it I can't believe I let myself get something but the new mindset is I'm so fuckin glad that I just now realize how much work I have done.

E B Johnson: Yeah good for you I love I love that it's almost that is that is like seeing a different person when you when that moment happens when that shift happens which is it's it's very exciting it's enthralling but at the same time it's kinda scary because we get so attached to that person that person that we were and so it's it's almost a shock to the system when you realize you kinda stepped out of that cocoon.

So

to

Melanie Branch: speak it made me kind of sad to I had this moment to in June when we went camping and we were floating down the river in Jenny Springs which is in central Florida 72 year 72 degrees year round it's fantastic place to go love it and we're floating down the river and my soda can was or my soda bottle was tied to my son's floaty and I was going to take a drink of it and he moved his flow and it like just you know all over me.

And I was like or I'd said something just like that to him and I looked at my husband and both of my sons at the same time because of where we all were and they all had that look on their face that I have not seen in so many years that look of like cause I'm scary like I get it I get it I'm scary.

I'm volatile I'm a loud girl I don't have volume control like there's a I get it when I'm mad I'm mad but I instantly like felt so sad because I realized I used to feel like this all the time I used to be overstimulated and irritable all the time and I feel like if we would just replace the word overstimulated with irritable bitch we would take it a lot more seriously.

Everybody

E B Johnson: would everybody would know as well they would understand what was happening cause I feel like sensory overload a lot of people Take that to an extreme they think it's like someone who can't tolerate any noise and it's this big explosive thing when really it just kind of feels like someone's been picking at your skin all day with their tweezers.

And finally you can't take it anymore

Melanie Branch: yeah and it's the problem is it's so many things that you don't notice are happening right so my business partner and I had a little qualm the other day mommy and daddy had a big fight but we had been on campus all day at the Neuro Spicy Academy so it's kind of like zoom and kind of like a video game altogether.

Right and so we're all it had been about four or five of us all working in the same co working space listening to other people's kids she was editing videos in her headphones and listening to us and had left her ring light on all day after her first morning call and like all the all of the stars aligned for a blow up and we blew up at each other.

Very surprisingly I went for my walk because I am an avoidant attachment and she literally texted me within like 15 minutes and went Oh so I just realized everything that happened she goes my light was still on I had been irritable about all the sounds like we realized she just hadn't taken care of her sensory care.

Yeah I love that though and it was her moment too yes because she was like shit I used she thought I was crazy when we would get on campus and I would say I don't want my light on I would turn my light off I'd be like thank God she's like this is so weird that doesn't affect me at all and she started turning her light off.

She's like wow

E B Johnson: this is

Melanie Branch: what do you know but then I always get to hear my favorite words which was you're right oh

E B Johnson: that's just that is better than than sex that is you're right

Melanie Branch: it is so you've been coaching for a long time I want to know do you have EB isms that like I have Melanie isms that my clients and my students and my business partner will like say in their head so like if they say something grumbly about themselves they'll hear in their head don't talk about my friend like that because that's what I tell people when they talk shit about themselves I go don't talk about my friend like that.

So what are some of your E b isms that you live and die by

E B Johnson: the big one is it's a it's very similar to that right they they get my voice implanted in their head and they get I basically force them to turn that inner critic into mmm an arch nemesis of sorts that they are allowed to fully take their rage out on and punish because that's why Hold on I gotta write

Melanie Branch: this down!

Cause I tell people to turn it into their friend inner critic yep into arch nemesis yeah you

E B Johnson: can absolutely that's the one person in the world that you can have free reign You give them a different face you turn them into someone you don't like and you can just tumble them You can just tell that bitch to sit in the back seat and leave you alone Like you don't have to be respectful to her because she was given to you by people who weren't respectful to you in the first Place so she needs to go that's that's how I feel about that But if that doesn't work some people aren't comfortable with Their anger or aggression in a healthy way like that.

So for them yes you turn it into a friend that's a big one that I ride or die by the second biggest one is How do you feel because a lot of people that come to me because they have so much trauma they have a hard time forming relationships and they're like well they said this to me and I saw them do this and this and this and this and they really have a hard time seeing the patterns.

They're looking for these like tangible things how does that person make you feel because if it's negative then you need to step back you need to step back and reassess that that should be the indicator of what do I need to look out for is this dangerous so that's a big one how do you feel more than anything else?

Those are the two big ones there's there's a million there's a million

Melanie Branch: of them I tell people all the time I'm we were just talking about this on my live instead of trying to be positive instead of negative ask yourself when you say something was that critical or was that curious because judgment That's our intuition.

That's our spirit guides that's the universe that's our body and our brain and our energy saying this is good this is bad this is alive this is this will kill you judgment needs to be on motherfucking point criticism serves no

E B Johnson: purpose yes 100% 100% and tying into that like one of the ones that this is the one that hit me and I I can't say that I created this this was actually given to me by one of my first clients and she's fantastic but it's specifically because again so many of the people that come to me narcissistic abuse right?

And they were raised by narcissists so basically they've gone out into the world like starving people who've never had the actual love that they biologically need To develop the safe love exactly the unconditional love attachment all of that kind of stuff so they go into the world as adults very very hungry and what my client told me she was like yeah my whole life because I wasn't fed love on a silver spoon I learned how to lick it off knives.

And that was like that's yeah a hundred percent and that is the pattern that you have to that you have to change you gotta you gotta spoon feed your self love and only accept people around you who are willing to spoon feed you love as well or you're gonna keep licking it off knives every time

Melanie Branch: god I'm so pre menstrual I wasn't

E B Johnson: ready for that.

Oh I'm glad I just got past that

Melanie Branch: jesus Christ! Yeah did you have a camera into my childhood

E B Johnson: yeah hit me right in the guts and I pass that on to every single person that I can constantly because that is the pattern until you intentionally break it it's knife after knife after knife you just settle for any

Melanie Branch: cut you can get.

It really shows the hypervigilance too of like yeah you can I'm not going to cut myself on that but I also don't get to be who I am and I don't get to live without this hypervigilance to make sure I'm not caught

E B Johnson: yep 100% it really really especially hits home for the you know people with ADHD and autism.

So I've yet to meet one person with ADHD or autism who hasn't been traumatized

Melanie Branch: cPTSD ADHD and autism can all pretty much just be diagnosed at the same time you have to be very special to be just autistic very like it's outliers it's anomalies that are just autistic or just ADHD or just CPTSD yeah.

And the studies and the science is there to prove all of this like the comorbidity rate of ADHD and autism this is one of my special interests when I tell people that I have designed my schedule as a neurodivergent entrepreneur running two businesses to be able to research two plus hours a day and two hours is like my bare minimum.

This is one of my special interests the comorbidity rate of ADHD and autism is 70 percent and that's their fucking estimation they don't even know how many of us are running around here in neurodivergent period so all of our numbers are skewed and they're only studying little tiny young prepubescent boys.

And again great I'm glad we're making some but like literally every piece of research that I come across I have to accommodate and apply it to neurodivergent women in their thirties forties fifties sixties with you know the drive to run their own business all this stuff so it's like you really have to take things and then spend some time turning it into something usable and learnable from but the comorbidity rate of PDA autism persistent drive for autonomy and ADHD is a hundred percent.

Shocker

E B Johnson: there shocker there explains so much of my childhood as well

Melanie Branch: I mean my mom literally the first thing one of the first things she said to my husband when I brought him down to Naples when we first started dating one of the first things she said to him was you know you don't really tell Mel what to do.

And he goes oh yeah I know that yeah I know that absolutely what the fuck are you talking about and I knew my husband was the one

E B Johnson: that was her biggest

Melanie Branch: complaint huh I knew my husband was the one first of all I knew he was the one because I meerkatted him when we were working at Hooters I just heard this guy yelling food up and I was still brand new and I just went what?

Who was that I don't know what it was if there's pheromones in sound I smelt them and I went huh and I saw him and I said oh that's happening and he's eight years older than me I was 19 I had no business doing what I was doing but thank God I went after him and so I went after him and we had only been dating for a little bit but I was like once I I was able to wear him down to go on a date with me I just kind of grabbed onto him like a little backpack and was like okay you know what I know you know what I know and so I knew he was the one but I really knew he was the one when my mom didn't like him but she had liked all the other idiots.

Did she she liked the other ones she liked all the other

E B Johnson: idiots the ones that were bad to you presumably huh oh shocker shocker shocker shocker do you also find that he is neurodivergent or is he autistic or ADHD or somewhere in the mix do you think we are a house full

Melanie Branch: of neurodivergent people.

Most of us are self diagnosed just because why go through the trauma of Western medicine if you don't need to like none of us want medication or anything so it's like we'll just start accommodating and that will you know confirm and validate what our suspicions were because the doctor's really just validating what your suspicions are to you know with their with their education and background not in ADHD or autism.

So we think that you know my our oldest who's going on 15 I think he's got his stuff I think my husband is 45 has his stuff I think my son who's 13 has their stuff and I think I have my stuff and in my brain of being a non medical professional but somebody who's just you know all the things that I am and done all the research that I have.

I really just feel like neurodivergent is the word to go with and then start organizing it in a different way because it I don't want the pathology of it anymore I want the validation and the understanding that like I'm a normal zebra but I'm not a regular horse

E B Johnson: oh that's a great way to put it I love that.

I might steal it from you is that that's the perfect way to describe it that's it so I just wonder I find that go ahead sorry no you go oh I was just going to say I only asked because I found that in all of this kind of trauma digging myself out of it I surrounded myself with neurodivergent people I've really been doing that my whole life like everyone around me has either been.

Very now obviously obviously autistic or somewhere under the neurodivergent umbrella so I just wondered if maybe that was a pattern you found in yourself as well was surrounding oh

Melanie Branch: yeah we stick together we see each other out we stick together there's protection in numbers yeah a hundred percent.

Absolutely and you know there's some of us we take on different roles in our community too I've always been a protector I've always been the loud barking dog you know like you better be afraid of me emotionally because physically yeah I could cause some damage but I could cause a lot more damage emotionally and mentally than I can physically.

But I've always really been the protector of everyone I was the mom in every friend group and like even as like a 12 year old 13 year old 18 year old I was always the mom and I just had the thought and I was going to make content about it actually I am not a person who loves children I don't love babies.

Like kids are cool right like the cool ones are but like I have never identified as a mom first like I am a mom but that's not like who I am but I have almost always had an extra kid in my household like so when my kids were very very little I was watching somebody else's baby while they went back to work.

Then when they were a little bit older I was watching somebody else's toddler for a year or so when they went back to work when we were in San Diego I watched my friend's kid he was basically just an extra kid of mine for the two and a half three years we were there and then now that we're here in Jacksonville I my and one of my kids is in high school.

I am now the house that the high schoolers go to when they're done at school that's

E B Johnson: interesting that's it because I've I've kind of I obviously do the coaching and I'm I like helping and stuff but in that I've I'm just drained I've become so drained in so many ways because it's been give give give give give give give and that's been the whole story arc is the only daughter in this kind of family.

But it's like I admire that just kind of protecting that big huge kind of open heart and and opening the doors like that because I I struggle with that because of Sensory overload the trauma the the list goes on and on and on and on you know

Melanie Branch: yeah I mean I have done a lot more now to be a better human being and not be sensory overloaded and I was sensory overloaded at all.

I tell my kids all the time I'm like You know if you were babies now when I was 37 you'd be a lot different they're like I know mom and I'm like but do you feel like like you can talk to me about anything they're like yes mom I'm like do you feel like I like you're in there like mom and I'm like I don't know.

I was like my parents never asked me anything about my life they didn't want me to have my friends over they didn't they were like if you're going to go to a sleepover cool I don't want to know who it is I don't want to bring you there tell them to come pick you up I don't give a fuck and now I heard.

I saw this thing that on TikTok the other day my FYP was hitting me with those little book quotes after book quotes after book quotes with that goddamn Hozier song and I was very I was very it was over it was gut punches but it goes a little something like as a woman I understand a little bit like I can identify with my mom but as a mom I can't forgive

E B Johnson: her.

Yeah that's why I didn't become a mom was for that that it's that exact realization for me that's that I went the other side of the coin I so fearful and so like especially as I learned about epigenetics and all of that kind of stuff and learned that I've got endometriosis and I suspect adenomyosis as well but getting a you know you know how that goes.

Yeah yeah I suspect that that's I've suspected that for years but I've never been able to get a confirmed diagnosis because I've had so many surgeries and they don't want to do surgery anyway the whole thing but that for me it was during that healing where I really solidified that choice for me where I said I just I can't I can't risk it.

Like I can't because I would I just if I became her I would just never I I can't do it

Melanie Branch: we're we are all cycle breakers in our own way a hundred percent a hundred

E B Johnson: percent and I have so much like admiration respect for people who have been able to do the work to actually actively create a future generation of people who have been listened to and understood and allowed to have emotions.

And I don't people don't realize how powerful that is yet like all of this groundwork that's going in now but I it's just it's incredible to see people being the parents that some of us just never even knew existed you know

Melanie Branch: you know my family is very unique because my husband is a Gen X I'm a millennial.

Our oldest is a Gen Z and our youngest is a Gen Alpha oh you got the whole spread we have the whole spread we were born in 2010 so I have the youngest of Gen Z and I have the oldest of Gen Alpha I have the youngest of Gen X and I have the oldest of Millennials so it really worked out cause my family I grew up in my parents were boomers.

My sister and I are Millennials you know it's just two clashing forces so it's really important to me to have the energy in a home where people are just allowed to do what they want just fucking be who you want to be put your headphones on so I don't have to hear your fucking phone on whatever it is that you're watching.

I'm never going to go grab your phone and say what are you doing over there I'm never going to walk into your

E B Johnson: room yeah I'm

Melanie Branch: just never going to walk into your room I am always going to knock and I'm going to wait till you hear the knock and then you're going to say something and then I'm going to say can I come in?

And then you say yes and then I come in

E B Johnson: oh and that damn oh my gosh that damages the kids so much that was another that was a huge hurdle it's a huge hurdle for so many people because that even that simple violation of privacy happening over and over again as a child teaches them that they can't take up space and then they become an adult who thinks they can't take up space or things don't belong to them.

Complete mess complete mess that was one of the biggest reasons why it took me so long to get on TikTok and start doing My like I was on Medium for years and years and years doing my coaching but I didn't want to get on TikTok and start talking to people here which now I would kick myself for not starting a year early.

And it was that I didn't want to take up space and it was very much that like This isn't mine I'm not allowed to have this this is for other people my job is to just like be told what to get and what to do and it was a huge kind of mindset like ceiling I had to break through

Melanie Branch: yeah our limiting beliefs.

I also I posted this on my threads the other day feel free to go follow me there anyways threads is just not taking off for me I want to like it

E B Johnson: but it's not taking off I didn't get on it I think I missed the train now as well

Melanie Branch: it's just it's not very rewarding I'll tell you that it's it's just not very rewarding at all at all.

But like I put the best funniest most interesting stuff out there on threads and it gets two likes

E B Johnson: real see that's I just that time that that waste of time to me would just be the final that would just

Melanie Branch: like for me it feels well and you know I'm very big on consistency I'm very big on sustainable consistency.

I'm very big on productivity and motivation and mindset is at the root of everything right if you've got money problems in your business you've got a mindset problem you've got energy problems you've got a mindset problem you've got any sort of problem you've got time problems you've got a mindset problem right?

100%

E B Johnson: people hate hearing that they don't like hearing that

Melanie Branch: they hate it my business partner avoided mindset work for 17 years yeah 17 years and then she stumbled across me a little over a year ago and consumed all of my stuff joined everything that she could for very very cheap had me on her fucking podcast and everything and then finally messaged me and said I don't know what to buy from you but I need your help.

And now ever since we've been working together you know we started our company we started the Neuro Spicy Academy together that's our joint venture we talk to each other every single day she's not my fucking best friend life partner hashtag it's also her family members that are my team that edit this.

So hey guys how are you so like it really the turns the twists and turns that your life and your business can take when you're of the mindset of like I trust it's all gonna work out yeah it exploded I just trust that I'm always gonna be in the right spot

E B Johnson: yeah a hundred percent I was like you know what?

It doesn't even matter it doesn't matter I'm going to get on there and I'm going to say it and I'm going to do it and people like it great when I turn off the phone my life doesn't actually change that much it's not going to matter worst case scenario they don't like me and I stopped doing it and it exploded.

My coaching exploded on the other side of that it's it's been very chaotic it's been a big adjustment but it did honestly come down to that hurdle and yeah people don't like hearing it but your mindset is the root of your behaviors which your behaviors are the actions the actions create your reality.

So it all has to start with that foundation you

Melanie Branch: can only be as successful as your strongest limiting belief that is so

E B Johnson: true that is so true

Melanie Branch: and I tell people all the time like if you've never made a million dollars a year your body doesn't know you have no base level you have no understanding of it.

So if you are making 100 000 a year or 200 000 a year in your business and you're behaving like you wake up at 7 a m and you know you don't work out and you're not showering regularly no hate babies no hate no hate we all go through our shit right but if you're behaving as somebody that you've always behaved as how are you going to be able to start sending out your vibration to the universe the message to the universe so you're ready for better.

E B Johnson: You gotta

Melanie Branch: start being ready for better you gotta start doing shit I always tell people mindset is like redesigning and redecorating your brain and you have to take out the old couch before you can put the new one in you don't buy a new sofa and put it on top of the old one

E B Johnson: absolutely absolutely 100%.

And I also I I go further with that because I've I've been there times when I look around and I think well look this is your reality right like what are you talking about these big dreams these big goals you want to live in that house you want to carry these bags or do these things or whatever it is.

Like who the hell do you think you are I had to go and put myself in those environments I had to go and surround myself with those people I had to go and you know like walk through the mall and sit in one of those fancy cars and I had to literally put myself in some of those physical situations in order to tangibly touch it.

And be able to say right okay if you want these things you have to act and you have to do something different and you're going to have to get outside of your comfort zone because your comfort zone right now is misery yeah it's not making it they're not reaching any clients you're not doing what you want to do.

You're not expanding you're not growing you're not helping people I see this huge problem that's right in front of them that you know people are trying to wake up to and I had to go and do those things I had to go and you know be that person for an

Melanie Branch: afternoon you have to right and like I tell people too if you're confused about manifestation it has a lot to do with when you get your house ready for a house guest right?

So you have your father in law coming right my my husband's dad he comes up every couple months to hang out with us we love him hey Rick he's probably not listening anyways so when I know he's on his way I know I got three and a half hours to get this fuckin house ready cause I know I didn't do it ahead of time.

I know I asked everybody in the house to help me get it ready days in advance and they all rolled their eyes at me like why do we have to do it now and I'm like so that we're not strangling So manifestation is the same way get your fucking space ready for the prosperity and abundance so that you're able to receive it when it shows up.

And that

E B Johnson: has to be your body as well it does have to be your body and as a chronically ill person I'm not I'm not going to be that person it's like you have to get up every morning and do a 5 a m thing with your instructor and you've got to like have this body weight that's not what I'm saying but you have to be taking care of your body.

Making sure you're paying attention to your nervous system that you're giving your nervous system the best possible kind of groundwork to be able to handle this throat

Melanie Branch: it's environment right you're not if the house is on fire you cannot you know calm your mind and body

E B Johnson: that's what it's for yes you're never going to heal in the middle of the storm.

It's just not going to happen you're not going to not have trauma in the middle of trauma it doesn't work that way yeah you don't teach

Melanie Branch: someone to swim when they're drowning

E B Johnson: exactly exactly and it's just like basic yeah basic yeah absolutely but it's just you know it's kind of hard if you've not been there.

Melanie Branch: Well and you know mindset or manifestation gets such a bad rap when people are like oh my god so you just have to be delusional I mean have you ever tried it because what you're doing right now ain't getting you there yeah

E B Johnson: why do we say stubborn just be stubborn like just just say I'm having that because I know that that's for me.

I need that I want that and I'm gonna get it for myself I'm gonna do that like if you don't want to be delusional fine be be stubborn be pig headed stubborn about it

Melanie Branch: yep I also I said this to one of my clients the other day and I've made content about it but it really hit her like turn the knife counterclockwise.

And this is a realization I had on one of my wonder walks and it's that you're exactly where you are right now because of the size of your past dreams

E B Johnson: oh that is so true that is absolutely and what

Melanie Branch: you thought you were worthy of what you thought you were capable of your beliefs at the time and cause I'm in my dream home in my dream neighborhood right now but when I go walking a mile and a half down the road and I look at the million dollar homes that are on the river I made this one happen why can't I make that happen?

E B Johnson: Yeah same cause I I live in the UK I moved to the UK which is my dream since I was a child where's your accent I know I I Work on it I intended to sound like Madonna for a while but it just I just couldn't bring myself to

Melanie Branch: do that or Dorit from the from Beverly Hills oh my God my accent is autistic.

So I'm

E B Johnson: good I don't care mine's an amount yeah mine's mine's just a mess I sound like a banjo every time I talk but no it's the same thing I had that moment the other day as well cause I I'm I'm living in Scotland I've got a handsome Scottish partner I've got the perfect dog I'm walking through a park getting my coffee with these beautiful trees hanging over me you know what I mean?

And it's almost like I punched myself in the face and go this is eight year old you would just be absolutely shitting the bed with excitement you know pardon my French she would just not believe that you live this life so like give yourself a little bit of credit

Melanie Branch: there's also one of my Melanisms that people say all the time is This is what I get people with when they're bitching about something.

Like today somebody on my live going off You said thank you wrong you said thank you wrong right if if I had you on my podcast months ago because I filmed over 30 something episodes and your episode isn't out yet Don't send me an email that said hey that was a long time ago did it come out did I miss it?

La la la la la first of all do your due fucking diligence go check my goddamn page on YouTube second of all can we calm our tits this was free honey bunny this is promo for me and promo for you so calm down do you want to edit the episode do you want to edit every fucking clip for social media do you want to come up with all the con all the No!

Calm down you're

E B Johnson: gonna talk about PDA getting triggered so fast so fast

Melanie Branch: so now instead of going off on people when that happens I let that go through my head for about 10 seconds whatever is appropriate for the scenario and then I say you said thank you wrong that's good I like that what's up you said thank you wrong.

Right just get back in your place fucking figure it out fuck it and I had a big big this and I made content about it yesterday and the video's doing well but yesterday I left my house at 3pm because I had to pick up my kid from the bus stop at 3 45 and I said I'm going to get my favorite ice latte and I knew I couldn't walk there because it's 9 million degrees in Jacksonville Florida so I drove there I had ordered ahead of time so I just walked in Went up to the counter Melanie for my order grabbed it.

The guy looked me right in the eye when he gave it to me he's a cute cute black guy light skinned black guy with long dreads I don't know he probably if he listens he'll know who I'm talking about anyways but he looked me right in the eyes he has those like Siberian husky eyes looked me right in the eyes.

I was like okay normally I'm in there with my husband on Saturday morning all sweaty from our walk with my big hat on not looking super fly but as I left this woman I couldn't really hear it cause I had my headphone head head headband headphones on right they're cute and I hear ma'am ma'am and I was like what?

And I turn I look beautiful woman probably late forties early fifties comes running across the street says I am coming from across the street to tell you you are so beautiful and I was like and she looked right through me

E B Johnson: too and I

Melanie Branch: was like so much I got in my car and in the same five minutes that that had happened I'm in my car driving through the neighborhood to go to my kid's bus stop and a guy in a yellow Jeep that I'm passing he's like he backed up into a driveway and I passed him.

So we make eye contact and I was going to tell him the peace sign because we made eye contact he goes three eye contacts in a row three eye contacts in a row and flipped me off and I was like well this is the content then because what people were seeing in me was my joy and my exuberance and my acceptance of myself.

And that made two people super stoked and one person mad hate

E B Johnson: himself yeah exactly reminding him of all the things that he is not doing or all the things that are going wrong in his life and it becomes a competition with those kinds of people as well it's disgusting yeah so you

Melanie Branch: know here I walked out after that lady talked to me I was like thanks spirit guides.

I really needed that and then knock down a couple of pegs bitch you really you're still pissing that wasn't the lesson we want to do to learn honey sorry

E B Johnson: talk about snap back to reality that's it right there that's it

Melanie Branch: here we are okay great you're not going to make everybody happy and you see this with your clients.

I'm sure when we stop the people pleasing everything opens up for you but it is people don't like it no

E B Johnson: they don't you will never get more people that hate you then when you stop people pleasing you will never get more personal success and even if you like out cause we're humans we all like outward validation to an extent right?

Duh I have hopping

Melanie Branch: care what do you think that's for

E B Johnson: you will never get more of that it's it's I I always tell my clients it's like when you lose something and you stop looking for it and then it shows up it's exactly what kind of just like being comfortable with yourself and falling into all that feels like because it just starts flowing in but You do kind of have to be ready to kind of whip out the sword of fire Occasionally because yeah people are gonna hate or hate you absolutely hate you

Melanie Branch: But you know I've figured after 30 some odd years of people hating me for the mask that I wore not even Liking the person that I was trying so hard to be to please them Now I can at least save my energy to just be who I am and then if you like it cool Come hang out if you don't like it cool.

Peace be with you have a great time somewhere else absolutely

E B Johnson: I mean there's so many people So many people are miserable and you know for me I'm someone who's analytical right I like numbers I obviously talk a lot about narcissists that's my that's my thing there's hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people who are diagnosed as narcissists in the U S alone right?

This is kind of how I rationalize it to myself why am I going to go walking around trying to just please these masses of which there's going to be narcissists in these little groups who can't even make themselves happy and then that's all the other toxic people that spiral from that but why am I going to waste more energy?

Trying to make these people happy they can't make themselves happy literally performing for them doesn't matter it doesn't matter

Melanie Branch: yeah if we were to really think about masking as a performance we would understand why we're so tired all the time and why it burns us out right aDHD is not burning you out.

Autism is not burning you out both of them are not burning you out masking is burning you out

E B Johnson: 100% performance performance performance it's I don't think people understand that it is actually physically draining it's not just an emotional experience it's emotional manipulation yeah a hundred percent.

It is it is and I don't think people understand that your emotions are actually tied to chemicals in your body which which come from physical functions and affect your physical systems it's it's a very physically exhausting it makes you sick it contributes to chronic illness on and on and on and on and on.

It's like one of the worst possible things you can do and when you stop doing it it really doesn't change the The interactions you have with other people it just changes the way you're able to function the way you're able to ease into your life and the way you're able to kind of control your immediate environment.

Melanie Branch: You know when we decenter men which is something that I've been doing for quite a while which is funny because I live with my husband and my two sons and my two male dogs anyway no wonder my PCOS and my my my lady system doesn't know it's just trying to turn into a man I'm just trying to fucking get along in my environment but as a person who de centers men and I live in a part of town that is very hipster Lgbtqi plus sort of situation right like the beaches in Jacksonville is where the republicans kind of took over and then where I'm at I'm originally in the riverside.

Yes Yeah yeah My riverside avondale area where i'm at is where like the cool kids went to right like the artists and the painters and all that so it's like I I enjoy hanging out I just lost my train of thought what was I saying

E B Johnson: where you're living at in Florida we were talking about kind of accommodating masking.

Oh okay

Melanie Branch: so I was out at a bar I don't drink but I was out at a bar having lunch and I was sitting there with my headphones on and I knew my bartender really well he's a cute guy I love him so much I followed him to another restaurant that he went to too so I eat there now too but I was just sitting there having a good time headphones on prominent headphones like these.

And I'm like I'm scrolling TikTok doing whatever the fuck I'm doing and this man that was sitting next to me probably in his late twenties early thirties looked like military and my husband's military so I know what they look like two chairs away from me got up and came into my space and and touched my shoulder to like tap me.

And I am the autistic that doesn't want to be touched I don't hug people i my kids and my husband get my hugs and my dogs and nobody else touches me I don't like it and he touched me and I went so my name my bartender's in front of me and he's seeing this happen he's like Oh no he's too far away.

He couldn't tell the guy to get the fuck away from me he's like no she's a good Timber don't piss her off and he comes up to me and he taps me and I looked at my bartender I made eye contact and then I grabbed my headphone and I made this face and I turned and I made eye contact with the kid and I went.

So I gave him one of those and I went like that and his face was Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you I said yet here we are yeah yeah it gets better I said yeah here we are here we are and he goes can you watch my backpack while I go outside and I looked at him I said Hey no and the bartender went and got in front of us.

He goes Hey buddy I got you I got you I got you and so the guy was kind of like What the fuck and he went outside to vape or smoke or whatever it is and he looks right at the bartender and I said Do I work here now do I have a uniform on is this what's happening he goes no no no don't worry don't worry.

I said I'm not worried just you see this man he goes it's always a man and I

E B Johnson: hate that I hate and that that is still my last big kind of obstacle but that doing labor just that demand for labor is it's the last big trigger for me it's the last big hurdle and you know Oldie B is fortunately not you know taking her Memphis rage out on people anymore but.

That I tell you what it's also not excusable you know what I mean like you've got to you've got to set an actual outward boundary when that stuff happens or people just keep using you that way they just keep

Melanie Branch: using you like what a way to not be able to read the room buddy that you and he was flabbergasted that the that I just looked at him like that he's like

E B Johnson: pisses me off.

Melanie Branch: He went oh like you could tell he this had never happened to him before he was like did I do something wrong like he gave me that face and I was just like what what the fuck do you think you can talk to me for bud

E B Johnson: yeah that's well I guess he thought you were his mother he looked at you and he made a mistake.

I thought you were his mother because you happen to be someone's mother I'll tell you what yeah

Melanie Branch: these people better like I don't think they understand I'll swing on somebody you come up behind me I have hearing problems 1st of all so I can't always hear everybody right and I have trauma in my background.

You come up and touch me I don't

E B Johnson: know you yeah I'm ready to square like if my partner walks around the corner in the kitchen and I'm not expecting him he's gotta like be ready for you know a knife coming up or something cause I I can't tolerate that either my nervous system is not is not accepting of that.

One day yeah when I'm old and I'm and everything's just shutting down

Melanie Branch: I mean we don't have to say that we can put it out into the ethers as like a mantra and as something that we're manifesting that you know when the time is right and I've done the right amount of work I'm excited that my hypervigilance can go down and I won't want to stab my partner when they come in the kitchen.

Oh it is

E B Johnson: I'm you know I I'm kind of a disaster humorist but it gets better every day it's just so slow especially if people with spent decades being traumatized like I was and it took a lot of acceptance to go right you spent 27 years being brutalized by narcissistic family literally every day Why did you think that you were gonna just like slide out of?

You know all of that physical damage which is literally brain damage why did you think you were going to slide out of that in two years or five years it's going to take some time you're going to have to reteach yourself that the world is safe you know and it happens it happens in in kind of you know bits and bobs and then there's big long stretches where everything goes right and then you know you relapse and it comes back.

It's just a cycle the

Melanie Branch: journey yeah yeah what are some of your favorite somatic practices when you notice that your nervous system is out of whack

E B Johnson: stretching is the first one that I go to there's

Melanie Branch: I was literally just thinking about the word stretching like my spirit guides were telling Me to talk to you about stretching.

That's fucking

E B Johnson: crazy I was doing I was sitting here already doing it No stretching is one of the best ones the simple one that I always tell people you can start with is you can just do It when you're like laying in bed before you get up in the morning or before you go to bed at night So you start at your toes and you work all the way up but you basically just Tighten and then relax and release each piece of your body moving all the way up when you do that as a neurodivergent person as well.

You also realize where you were holding on to a lot of attention that you didn't realize because you go to sleep and everything's already really tight and then you realize that you need to relax it yeah exactly exactly that yeah that's really really good the holy grail and I don't know why it took me so long to find this Johns Hopkins University has a whole YouTube library of somatic exercises.

There's like 20 or 30 exercises in there I'll send you the link and you can share it with your followers and your readers and everything there's like a text version of it and then you can find it on YouTube there's so many stretches there's so many passive exercises breathwork that you can do as well.

Breathwork is so so good for activating the traumatic nervous system even just as simple as doing four beats in four beats out and then you increase that you know eight beats in eight beats out very simple I don't that's that's something that I'm kind of annoyed by and and also it's very miraculous.

There's so many little simple things that you can do to improve your your nervous system your brain health neuroplasticity as well is one that is so fundamental for neurodivergent

Melanie Branch: people you know what I do for neuroplasticity huh okay so I brush my teeth with the other non dominant hand love that.

And then when I'm feeling really squirrely And I'm cooking I try and use my non dominant hand for like getting the biscuits off the pan and stuff like that but you gotta be careful so you don't hurt yourself things are hot in the kitchen I've been in the kitchen for a very long time guys this is your disclaimer.

Yeah but using the non dominant hand as much as you can

E B Johnson: without like baby in it that's it that's excellent just sitting trying to write with your left hand any kind of memory exercises you can do also chia seeds chia seeds chia seeds you should be feeding your brain chia seeds it's so good for neuroplasticity.

Yeah it's very simple you just have to do teeny tiny things that you just have to build on every day and it helps your brain to rewire itself which then helps you to feel more calm and then that helps your cognitive ability to improve you know it's it's every We

Melanie Branch: really do get addicted to our stress and our cortisol.

Cortisol is a is a chemical that you get addicted to and if your brain and body are used to chaos then peace is going to feel boring and it's going to feel wrong it's going to feel unsafe

E B Johnson: it is so you should feel it that's why I say fill it with passion projects find things that you're excited about.

If you're a neurodivergent I always said you know that hyper focus that you used to feel when you were a kid and you were reading that volcano book for eight hours and then you looked up and it was dinner time find those things find those joyful fun curiosity things because it is you're gonna get so bored because you're used to the stress.

So that transition using passion projects joy good people building your self esteem through positive experiences positive inner child work it all helps to that immensely immensely

Melanie Branch: walking backwards is also a really good neuroplasticity thing and it's good if you have Ehlers Danlos or other body autoimmune chronic illnesses because it helps your knees regenerate so much better with low stress.

So make sure you're in like a straight shot or you have somebody that's like making sure you're not going to trip but when I go on my four and a half mile walks I am walking backwards for like a quarter of a mile of that here and there so I'll just like turn around and I'll walk backwards for like 20 steps.

It's hard like if you've ever put your face in ice cold water your instant reaction is to pull out of it when you try walking backwards my instant literally the first time I tried it my body went nope and turned me around and I was like wait a minute wait we were going backwards here so it takes a lot of cognitive function and energy.

To do it for a length of time but it's so good for your brain and it's so good for your knees cause I know us millennials that didn't know we had Eller Stanlows and we're really pushing ourselves and we were dropping it low in the club baby we set ourselves up for failure when it comes to those

E B Johnson: joints.

I wonder if that's why cause I this is my shameful my shameful disclosure I was a marching band nerd I was I was a bandie oh I was trumpet first chair trumpet yeah oh that's too cool yeah oh that okay your brass thank God okay I was like oh she's gonna say didn't this could do woodwinds what am I gonna say?

Well I didn't know what I was like oh please don't let her say woodwind what am I gonna say no I

Melanie Branch: wanted to play the clarinet but my fucking okay it was a weird story I was in middle school orchestra I played the viola and then in seventh grade I got into a fist fight with the other boy viola player that was first chair second chair.

It was a whole hub of blue so I had to switch into band right because that teacher hated me because I almost got her fired for negligence anyways neither here nor there why does

E B Johnson: every neurodivergent person have that story of the teacher they almost got fired

Melanie Branch: I swear pattern recognition! She was never in the room.

I knew I could get away with it it wasn't good I'm not proud of myself anyways so I went over to band and I had my sister's band teacher and he looked right at me and he said you got your sister's mouth just bigger she played trombone you're going to play tuba I said okay and I just started playing the fucking tuba and then here we are.

And I remember my friend who had a trumpet was like see if you can do this I was like there's no way I'm going to be able to make a sound out of that and I can get the lowest note out of a trumpet

E B Johnson: oh that's excellent that's that's hard to do that's hard to do but you got you've got that trombone armature not trombone sorry tuba armature.

So you're ready to go

Melanie Branch: came came ready for that that's so that's marching band

E B Johnson: I know I loved marching band I was all about that walking backwards cause I got that low center of gravity so it was always just a little bend in the knee and you could just really call it backwards

Melanie Branch: yeah I think I really liked the sousaphone because I felt so protected

E B Johnson: by it too.

I wanted to play the sousaphone so bad and they would never let me touch that thing

Melanie Branch: I mean it was like 45 pounds sitting on your one left trapezoid so I mean literally in high school this trap was way bigger than this one right so and I played golf and tennis too so like everything's a little cockeyed and oh it's so hot who makes uniforms out of wool?

E B Johnson: Yeah I don't know who did that and it's like two inches thick wool as well they didn't they didn't skimp at all on that and it smells like cat

Melanie Branch: pee when it

E B Johnson: gets rained on ugh those uniforms not enough money in the world to make me go back to that ugh!

Melanie Branch: Ugh! No it doesn't make it and who washed them did they get washed?

E B Johnson: Our college ones definitely did not definitely

Melanie Branch: did not because we were responsible I remember telling people after being in band and band camp for a certain amount of years you can change your clothes in a two foot hole in the ground anywhere

E B Johnson: moving rocket ships anywhere you can change your clothes.

That's been one of the best skill sets I've gotten from there yeah

Melanie Branch: absolutely and it's like no wonder everybody thought the band geeks were a bunch of nerds they were the horniest group of kids I've ever met in my life they were oh they were they were like I don't

Yeah we so horny all the time.

Maybe it's because we're always running around naked and changing but it was something it was carnal

E B Johnson: it was carnal yeah it was I'm not gonna tell their stories but yeah it was it was not not not R rated it was worse than that oh

Melanie Branch: yeah yeah absolutely and I remember the whoever had like their parent wanted to be the band parent they were kind of rejected out of our groups because we're like your parent's the narc.

E B Johnson: Yeah see get your parent out of here ours was the worst because the the biggest involved band parent she was also She was the preacher's wife so that kid was always in the back of the van bus

Melanie Branch: repressed you know what I mean yeah repressed trying to get shit done oh my god yeah oh my god do you remember movie theaters?

My kids go to a movie and I have no worry about what they're doing in that movie theater no I worked

E B Johnson: in a movie theater and it just like nah that would horrify me if I had to send my daughter to a movie theater I don't even think I'd let her go to movies I would just I don't know what would happen.

I she would not be allowed to leave my house I think

Melanie Branch: I mean it's this this this generation of kids right cause I have had the pleasure of being old enough that some of my friends are Gen Z but they're 10 years older than my kid and then my kid is Gen Z and then these Gen Alphas they are so different than we were when we were teenagers.

Nobody talks about their fucking weight nobody talks about your fucking boobs like I remember 95 to 2005 we were talking about whether Britney Spears was 18 and got a boob job and then the poor girl went on Fucking SNL and they put that shirt on her to make her boobs move around she's a child and we're talking about her body.

E B Johnson: Yeah 16 years old and they were running news stories whether she had not she'd had sex at six like just absolutely disgusting disgusting

Melanie Branch: I don't understand why we're even talking about whether or not a girl's been a virgin like it has always freaked me out that a dad would be like Oh my daughter has to be a virgin until she's married.

Why are you thinking about your daughter's sex life

E B Johnson: exactly so it's the same as dads who buy boob jobs in my personal opinion who are like Here you go sweetie I thought you could you could use a bigger set like it just sits wrong with me in every

Melanie Branch: possible way you know we could start talking about parents doing like the moms of boys that are on TikTok talking about like you won't take my son when he marries you.

I'm gonna make sure he loves me and it's

E B Johnson: like what that 19 years before I came onto the scene because both my brothers are so much older than me so yeah that was the She was that woman she was very much like when my brothers would bring a woman in she was like who are you what are you going to do for my son?

What do you cook for him one of them still irons my brother's underwear like gets up and gets his underwear ready for him in the morning and stuff just yeah boy moms hashtag boy mom

Melanie Branch: I am also a boy mom and I would like everybody to know that I'm not that but you're not a boy mom though but you're not a hashtag of boys.

I had sons to stop the generational trauma in my family it's a hundred percent yeah like literally

E B Johnson: When I say boy mom it's a person

Melanie Branch: oh we know who you're talking about like my I remember telling my grandpa when my grandpa was dying I had met my husband and he was going into the Navy but he wasn't quite in it yet.

And my just grandpa was my grandpa declined and died when my husband was in basic training so the timeline like one year a lot of things happened so my grandpa had only had Granddaughters he had eight granddaughters and that one grandson out of his five kids the three that had kids had all daughters.

Three two two okay so I looked at my grandpa and said Hey I know none of us are going into the military and he knew none of us girls he knew none of his all of his girls were all very high maintenance none of us like however Tom boy any of us are we all still wanted our makeup so I remember telling him I said I will keep the military alive in our family with my husband cause he's going into the Navy.

My grandpa was Air Force so then I have two sons right I don't know if they're going to go into the military or what they're going to do but my sister had two daughters right so we don't actually talk anymore for there's many reasons I don't talk to a lot of my family anybody who's alive I probably don't talk to.

I talk to my husband's family more than I talk to my family but I like look at it and I compare it and I go cycle continue cycle stop

E B Johnson: yeah that's true oh it's like it's it's it's what is it it's like serendipity almost yeah

Melanie Branch: divine timing like it shows you if you if you think about any of this woo woo energy magic stuff it shows itself in physical form.

Yeah it

E B Johnson: does well I mean all of that woo woo stuff so much of it was created just before people had an understanding of psychology but they were trying to achieve the same goals they needed to shift a mindset to change a behavior to create an action and a thing in the real world you know so that's what there's there's a place for all of that.

It's all about putting together a toolbox for yourself that you can use for whatever hat you have to put on you know you want to have as many tools as possible have as many options as possible so you can be like the most well rounded healthy version of yourself you know with the most options yeah

Melanie Branch: and I want everybody listening to know that being the best version of yourself does not mean in chronological order.

So you don't have to be better today than you were yesterday you just have to show up for yourself at your capacity today that's

E B Johnson: it that is literally it there's nothing if you were to put down every self help book in the world stop taking courses or whatever it was if you were to just stop ingesting self help content and walk away from it all right now today you would still be lovable and worthy.

And good and all of those things right it's not this you don't you're not working towards an imaginary finish line it is just continuity of just like as you said being there for yourself and just kind of being present and being able to navigate it without falling apart yeah

Melanie Branch: absolutely oh my God.

I've been so happy to have you on the show I've been waiting so long for you to be here before we let everybody go tell everybody and this will be in the show notes but tell everybody where they can find you on socials how they can work with you all that stuff plug your spot

E B Johnson: yeah absolutely so you can get me on medium.

com I produce a new article there every day all about relationships and trauma and realistic practical personal growth you can also find me on TikTok at therealebjohnson again I do a lot of my coaching on there you can find me on Instagram the same name and if you want to work with me if you want to find out more about cognitive reappraisal rebalancing your life after narcissistic abuse or just kind of becoming self possessed as someone with a lot of chaos or dysfunction who wants to get their nervous system under control you can do that going to therealebjohnson.

com and click on working with me to find out more yes!

Melanie Branch: Yay! Oh my god it's been so nice having you on here if you can leave everybody with one little word of wisdom before we sign off what would you like everybody listening and watching to know

E B Johnson: that's actually that's a really good question the big thing for me is to just be human.

Like embrace having a human experience a lot of this trauma culture self help culture it's turned into we have to become these super human people who only have these blissful experiences these positive moments who only have good feelings and good thoughts and that's just not human that's not human.

You can go back to any point in history and see human stories good and bad you know whatever it is just be human be in a human experience embrace all of your emotions embrace the ups and the downs and see how it creates the big picture how it makes you whole as a person how it completes the journey and it becomes so much easier.

Just letting yourself be human make mistakes get up and do it again

Melanie Branch: yeah yeah when I make a mistake I like to tell people oh I guess I didn't take my perfect pill today oh

E B Johnson: I like that that's a good way to look at it

Melanie Branch: that's excellent I forgot that one hopefully oh that reminds me I gotta go take my vitamins.

All right everybody listening I want you to know that I love you equally and for different reasons and I want you to do your research and take care of yourself and thank you for being here and we'll talk again really soon okay bye

E B Johnson: thank you bye

Melanie Branch: bye