Episode #038: De’Nicea Hilton Harper: You’re Not Broken — You’re Perfect

Melanie (00:08)
Hello and welcome to another episode of Trailblazers Rising. I am so excited for today's guest and I have to tell you, normally I know exactly who I'm going to invite on the podcast and I stalk them online, but this time I did a little something and I said, hey guys, I'm looking for podcast guests and who we have on today was like me. And I was like, my God, you are so right. And we've only been talking for five minutes, but I feel like telling my husband that I have a new love.

So, welcome to the show, De'Nicea. Thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited to have you on the pod. And I know that my listeners are going to learn so much from today's episode. So everybody grab your pen and paper and De'Nicea, tell everybody who you are.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (00:55)
Hey, Melanie. my gosh, I'm so excited about all of this. I know that's like a common thing that people would say as a guest. I'm like, no, I'm like really excited. You have to understand. I love juicy conversations and just really thrilled to be able to come here and share with your audience, like just this whole other way and hopefully refreshing way for people to be able to adopt a relationship with themselves and with others.

where it is that they feel like so ooey gooey goodness about just loving who they are at their core and being able to feel free to express that in the world. Why? Because then that's my approach to health and wellbeing. as I've been practicing as a doctor of Eastern medicine and holistic wellbeing consultant, it's such a close tie to

how someone is and how they're expressing themselves in their life, and then how that what shows up in the physical body. So it's like where there's all these mysteries and let's try to find the root cause of like insomnia and digestive issues and menstrual issues and fertility, like all of those things. It's through this lens of, and that's my foundation of like Eastern medicine when I first got introduced to.

this reframe of what health and wellbeing really is and just how associated it is to who we are and it, like as Dr. Shen would say, the medicine and the life. And so that's how I got to where I'm at right now and I just love working with, especially women that are introverts and empaths and they're caregivers where a lot of those lines are really, really blurred as far as like,

who we are compared to other people and then also, you know, managing shame and guilt and resentment to try to like care and do for everybody else. Meanwhile, we might be.

Melanie (03:00)
Are you talking about my

20s and early 30s? I feel like maybe I'm gonna get called out a little bit on this episode. Let's first and foremost It's fine. I get called out all the time. I'm okay with it. I like personal development and growth now traditional Chinese medicine for anybody who doesn't know I love traditional Chinese medicine because it focuses on the systems in the body and not on the specific diagnosis and what I mean is

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (03:14)
You

Melanie (03:30)
A lot of times in the Western world, we're like, oh, I have ADHD. Oh, I have endometriosis. Oh, I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder. And then you identify with that diagnosis and that becomes a part of who you are. Right. So not only do we say, oh, well, I'm a mom and I'm a wife and I am a daughter and I'm a business person and I have PMDD and those when you identify with your problems, you're going to always see your problem. So in traditional Chinese medicine, the first thing that hooked me was that

You can't go to a traditional Chinese medicine practitioner and them say, you got endometriosis. They're going to say, there seems to be some sort of hiccup happening in this general vicinity of the body. Like this system of the body isn't working properly, so we're going to work on that. And the expansiveness that that provides towards your healing, I wish everybody would understand that. So can you explain a little bit why you fell in love with TCM over, I don't know, the indoctrination of Western medicine?

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (04:23)
Yeah.

Yes, I can. And actually, so obviously we are just getting to know each other. So the school and what I practice is contemporary oriental medicine. And it was founded by Dr. Leon Hammer, who is a student apprentice of Dr. John H.F. Shen. So he spent decades with Dr. Shen learning that lineage of practicing the medicine in this way. So it's a heavy, heavy influence.

on the mental, emotional, and the spiritual aspects, and especially within our pulse system. It's different than the TCM pulse system for those that would see that. with COM, as we call it, there are some things that contradict as far as how we might interpret something that we see with TCMs, and it's because with COM built in is that

Yes, this is a thousands, thousands of years old medicine, right? And at the same time though, Dr. Hammer was like, you have to contemporalize it because you're seeing people based on right here and right now. But then also this is true to the medicine in the life. Where are they? So to be able, it's,

We liken it, and I say we, like those who graduated and practice it, is like, we're taking the ancient medicine and then we're applying it here to today, now. And then being like, okay, so I'm doing this because I'm imagining my hands on someone's pulse. But like, we had, like, it's just like, So it's like.

Melanie (06:08)
Yeah.

We love talking with our hands. Come on, give me more.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (06:21)
as there's this increase in EMFs, right? Or if there's this increase in microplastics, if there's this increase in the food systems and different changes, how is that actually showing up? And what are we seeing on the pulse? What are we seeing in the changes of the tongue? What are we seeing on the face? So it's like the medicine is dynamic.

And I love it, I love it, love it, love it, because we are dynamic and the world's gonna always be changing. And so it is really built in to calm, to really see how we, our physical form does change based on our environments. And then really doing a thorough exploration of what is an environment, quote unquote. So that still answers the question a bit, like of how I got in, like.

Melanie (06:47)
Thank

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (07:14)
why I like it and how I got into it. I'd always been interested in health, always had been. Since then have learned, that's probably the heavy influence of a Virgo rising and a Virgo moon. there's like, the face you give to me. Yeah, cancer.

Melanie (07:31)
You're a Virgo rising and a Virgo moon? What is your sun sign?

My 16 year old is a Virgo Sun, Cancer Moon, Libra Rising. or no, he's a Virgo Sun, Cancer Moon, Libra Rising, and my husband is a Virgo Moon. And I, there's one placement that I don't wish on anybody and it's a Virgo Moon.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (07:45)
My sister's a leaver, son.

my gosh, you have to talk about that. I have to know why.

Melanie (08:01)
When you think about

emotions and you think about a Virgo wanting to work hard play hard Not only is a Virgo Mercurial, so let's talk about it and think about it and tinker with it and not actually feel it and The tendency you any person that you look up their chart and they have a Virgo moon it will say the tendency to be self-critical is Exponential like it's so hard for you guys to

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (08:29)
Mm-hmm.

Melanie (08:30)
look at yourself through the lens of kindness and forgiveness, but you give it to everybody else, but to yourself, that's impossible. You know, that's what I see.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (08:39)
Mm-hmm.

And the funny thing is, growing up, and when I first started getting into astrology and stuff like that, and it was like, which by the way, was from seeing the horoscope section in the newspaper and then being like, what does this really mean? And I go to the library, sounds very similar, huh? I'm sitting there and I'd always, because I wasn't familiar with rising and moon and those.

Melanie (08:53)
Did we have the same childhood? I mean, that's okay.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (09:06)
So I always just went by the sun. Like now I realize that. And then there would be some parts of it that I'm going, this don't sound like me, you know, and just, I'm like, this doesn't sound right. And then I learned later on about the rising of moon. And then that's where I'm going, okay. Yeah, that I can see a lot more. But I will say, I think that because my son is in cancer,

I do actually, it can help me in softening that self-criticism. like, you know what I mean? And then like that where it is sometimes, yes, I will say from internal going out, when it comes to emotions, there are times where it's just like, I just don't wanna feel it. Like, especially not of other peoples and all of that jazz. And then, so I can go really easily logical. Now,

The benefit to that is it has truly, truly helped in the sense of what I do when I'm working with people. So it's almost like you can really bet on I'm not gonna be moving through this emotional lens or it's not that colored by some experience that I had. I can be very neutral and that's where, it's funny, because I was a labor doula as well.

but I don't have any biological kids of my own. And so, so like, and, I think it's that energy that comes off that it's like, I'm not gonna color it with my own birth story. I'm here neutral. I understand what it is that you're, what's happening. I know your birth plan is all that kind of jazz, right? So I think that helps, but then the cancer sun does actually soften it. And I am able to still have like, be emotional. I can do that. And then,

Melanie (10:36)
And.

You're definitely

an executor. you're a cancer son and you're a Virgo Moon and Virgo Rising, those placements are, let's get it done. Let's do what we have to do. Let's roll up our sleeves and then let's, you know, chill out and have a good time afterward. But like shit has to get done first. There is no chilling until the house is clean. The house has to be clean and then we can have a party and clean it all over again. But there will be no rest until things are done.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (10:53)
have those moments.

Yep.

and let's ride.

Well, I will admit I do that in spurts. So if once I'm in that space and then it's like, yeah, this has to be done. And then I just go into that spurt and then I don't know how long it's gonna last. And then I just sit there and be like, just go straight through it. And then I'm like,

Melanie (11:35)
Okay, so if you understand neurodiversity

and you understand reproductive health and whatnot for women, then this will really make you feel good. This is something that I heard a couple months ago and I've been just spouting it to anybody who will listen ever since. People with ADHD don't have habits, they have streaks.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (11:55)
Oh, yeah. I totally, I haven't heard streaks is the word.

Melanie (11:58)
Plus, you if I'm luteal, you're not getting the best of me.

Yeah, you know, you gotta figure out where you are in your cycle and then you'll figure out which version of me you're gonna get, honey bunny. And I apologize if I am luteal, because I don't even like being in my brain during my luteal, but we're working on making it better. So how long have you been doing this and what would you say is like the number one thing that people are coming to you with, women especially, because I'm sure if you're focusing in on feminine health and reproductive health that

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (12:09)
Yes.

Melanie (12:26)
the microplastics that are in everything that we have and the chemicals that are in everything we have and the tendency that we're conditioned to not manage stress, but we're like conditioned to prioritize stress. What are the trends that you're seeing? What are you hoping that most people would take away from this podcast? Because I tell you what.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (12:31)
Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Yeah, so.

Melanie (12:48)
It's hard out here.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (12:52)
It can't it and I like to look at it where I'm like, you know what? This is this is what it is. Like this is what's happening this landscape and it's all the difference for me is that we're not my focus is not to be like, let's completely get rid of XYZ symptom. My focus is on this is what's happening in your life. And we I actually want to build your terrain is what we would call it.

build you up to be able to navigate what's happening. And so that's where, like, so to answer the other question, I've been doing this for 10 years now. When people come, I'm gonna answer this this way. People who come in, and they might come on my playground space, and they're talking about digestive issues. They're talking about menstrual.

it, menstrual discomforts. They're talking about potentially like headaches, right? But, not but. And this is why I say like I go different. I see it differently. What's happening at the same time though, and they don't, in the process we see the connections, it's actually challenges in relationships.

And so it's relationships, if I branch it off into two, it would be relationship with the self and then relationships with others. And how that shows up is in the case of boundaries, as people call them. I like to call them filters. There's the stress management. I call it navigating stress. There's mindset. I call it mind shifting.

Like, so those are the three big ones that you'll, that I tend to see. And so it's like, meanwhile, you're telling me about the symptoms that are showing up, that are popping up like physically, and it's like, okay, cool. And then how they're showing up, like we already said, right, from Eastern Medicine, it's not just a headache. Like we would have 12 different, 12 different diagnoses for somebody who says it's a headache.

because we're getting into the nitty gritty details of where it's showing up, what's making it worse, what's making it better, how is it playing out, is it da da da da, and then that gives, that guides us into the organ systems. Well then the organ system has a role, has a mental, emotional, and a spiritual role to the whole. And then that's saying, hmm, this is how Melanie's actually responding to internal environment and or external environment.

And so then now you get to see how it is that the organ systems are starting to try to, they're trying to maintain harmony. That's what they're trying to do. They're just trying to maintain harmony. And so when you're going about in a lot of jobs, I want to say, and the thing is, it's not just the jobs because you see it with entrepreneurs as well, where...

They say, it's at the nine to fives that we're expected to have this type of productivity every day and blah, But it's actually also, I see it a lot with other entrepreneurs that I come into contact with that we do adopt that same thing where we kind of expect ourselves to get this X, Y, Z done. And what it is that you noted about luteal phases and ovulation phase and follicular phase, all of that.

is that it's understanding what our rhythms are. And there are several rhythms going on simultaneously. And so it's like understanding, and that's internal rhythms, because externally there are rhythms that we're also responding to. And so this is why I focus on, hey, get to know the terrain. Get to know your own terrain, and let's nourish and build up your terrain.

And the more you become aware of that, that's how you begin to see through the filter, AKA boundaries of what is being allowed in, what is being allowed out, and then where it is that we might want to strengthen it, right? That's why I don't like or agree with boundary setting or setting boundaries because the boundaries are already there. It's the quality of it and whether or not we're actually implementing it.

Melanie (17:18)
Done.

And it becomes another thing you have to worry about and think about, you know?

Yeah, you're like, okay, well, you I told so and so that I wasn't gonna be able to like just do this stuff for free anymore. But then you have to constantly have that playing in your background of like, are they pushing this boundary? Do I have to enforce it? Do I have to? And we don't need another thing to be thinking about. We don't need it. We're doing enough. We're doing too much. And you know what's interesting. And I know you're gonna have a good take on it.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (17:32)
Right.

you

Yeah.

Melanie (17:51)
Recently, I saw the woman who wrote Eat,

Love. I can't remember her name for the life of me, but everybody knows who she is. She was on... Yes, I saw her on like a TED Talk, but I don't know if it was a TED Talk. But anyways, I saw this clip of her and she was talking about how when she studied ancient philosophies and religions and whatnot and spirituality, that the majority of that is written from the male perspective. And the male perspective for enlightenment is...

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (17:57)
Is it Elizabeth Gilbert?

Melanie (18:19)
to release the ego and help others and stop centering themselves. But it's the exact opposite for women because we are socialized to abandon ourselves readily at the jump to the point where when you hit your 30s and 40s, you have no idea who you are. And here's what's going to happen. The kids are going to grow up and move out. Your husband or spouse or partner ain't going like you anymore because you're not even a human. You've only identified as a wife and mother for so goddamn long. Who are you if you're not defining yourself on your relationships? And we've been taught

that to like get enlightened and to develop completely and like be the best version of ourselves, we have to continue abandoning and that's not the case! It's so different! my god, why did... Just answer... Fix all my problems.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (18:58)
No. Yeah.

You know what? And this is what I say. I tell people that you're perfect. And then they look at me like, what? Because the common, commonly accepted belief is that nobody is perfect. And let me tell you, I was like, I had that same belief as well because I grew up with the whole notion nobody's perfect, ain't nobody perfect but God, like, and that's it.

Through time though, and through experience, it actually came to me, I was meditating, literally meditating, and just heard the word perfect. And I was like, what you mean by perfect? Because it rattled me, and I was really uncomfortable with that. And it was because of the commonplace belief. And then the more I started really getting into it, and really started allowing it to take form and take shape, and...

I'm still like putting things together, like business wise, because I'm like, I wanted to do some do more where it wasn't just services, but I love teaching. So playing around with that. And I was speaking with someone and and I was just letting her know, like, this is what I'm this is what I'm seeing right here. And I laid out some stuff. And she's she's like, you do know that I was a linguist before. Right. And I like that's what she did.

And I was like, no. So she ends up telling me, she's like, do you know the root meaning of perfect? And I said, no. And she said, it's whole and complete. And I was like, are you serious? And I just had these major, major chills. she's like, so literally, and she's starting to cry because she's like, literally what you're doing right now and what you just painted and laid out is how it is that people can.

see that they are actually whole and that they actually are perfect. And so then that is where it changed the game for me to now show people that yes, you are whole, right? You are perfect. If you can see that now, can actually, liberates you from other people to be able to easily manipulate you because they can get you to believe that you're not.

And then they can sell you on, hey, I can, because of this, that now there's this anxiety or these body image issues or these confidence issues or the self-esteem issues. I can now sell you on these clothes. I'ma sell you on these products. I'ma sell you on these eyelashes. I'ma sell you on all of this stuff that then now becomes a part of what you believe to be the, that's the filling in.

Melanie (21:45)
fix.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (22:00)
So when you say whole and when I say whole and complete, like I think about this giraffe pattern, right? And it's like, it's all of the giraffe pattern. But when you had those little valleys and those little rivers and stuff like that, if you don't believe that you're whole, you actually, because your spirit, your soul knows already that you're perfect in your whole, right? You are going to start to fill it energetically because you're like, there's this wholeness. I feel.

Like something is not there. And then that's how it is that you start to accept all of these other things that may or may not actually resonate with your, with who you are at your core. But it's the simple act of, let me just have something so I can feel like I'm whole. I feel like I'm put together. Why do you hear that phrasing all the time? I got to get myself together. I got to get my shit together. You literally are speaking.

that I'm trying to come to my wholeness and come to my perfection. But I'm telling you that you already are. It's just that we need to reframe it and then have that different relationship with the self, the different relationship with others. And it's just like realizing within me, I am whole and it's about me navigating it. And I had a conversation, I was on another show and...

one of the ladies that was on there and she was like, well, if I'm whole, that doesn't leave room for growth. I said, actually it does because even then if you had this apple, you have a whole apple. You got the skin, you got the seeds, hopefully the seeds ain't because you know, GMO, but like, know, the seeds and you got the flesh, you got the stem, it might have a leaf on the stem, all of it is whole. And I said, it guaranteed though, if you let it sit there, well, hopefully once again,

not GMO, it'll start to ripen and then it'll over ripen and then it will start, right? So that outside is going to start to die in a way, but then what's left is the seed to actually go into a next phase. And so you see, we actually accepted all of the phases and all of that apple.

while at the same time, the seed for the next phase was still contained within. And so it honors us as our own evolutionary beings and that seed of what you see for yourself is still within, even though we're going through the process of planting the seed, fertilizing it, allowing it to grow, and then allowing those aspects to die and taking that information of that experience of that phase,

that's now encoded into the DNA of that seed that's going into the next phase. And then choosing whether or not, what aspects of that are you gonna be using in the next phase? So it's like all of that is still there. So yes, while you're whole, it still honors the evolutionary process.

Melanie (25:05)
That's a really good analogy.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (25:11)
Thanks.

Melanie (25:12)
Hold on.

I'm trying. I told you before we started. said, I'm actually going to learn something on today's episode. Holy shit. I've been taking notes. I got my pen ready at every moment. OK, so let's dive into the business aspect of being a healer, running your company, building your company. There are so many ins and outs. And one thing that I tell every single one of my clients is. I want you to work on your personal development, not because you're bad now or because you're not worthy now.

but simply because you get what you believe you deserve. So instead of thinking about, need to get better so this can happen, I need to believe that I'm worthy of better right now without making any changes to who I am other than examining, why do I believe I'm only worth, you know, $20,000 a month? Why do I believe that I'm, you know, destined to be in this body with this shape, right? So if we really start examining our beliefs,

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (25:43)
Mm-hmm.

Melanie (26:09)
while also navigating fun. Here's the thing, everybody. If you're not having fucking fun right now and you're telling yourself that you're going to have fun when you achieve $100,000 a month, when you achieve XYZ, when you build the and you've sell the company, if you're telling yourself your fun is in the future, doesn't matter what the fuck you achieve, your fun will never happen right now. It will always be with the next goalpost. So being in business for how long you've been in business now.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (26:36)
Yeah.

Melanie (26:37)
Tell me what you think is most fun and what you think is most crappy. And you can't say taxes because everybody knows that. So what is the most fun part and what is the least fun part?

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (26:48)
man, okay, so most fun part actually is the learning for me. I am going to be looking for the next thing. Like I wanna see, okay, other perspectives of something and how does that inform my thought process or whatever it is that I'm working on with people, right? So like I love going and dabbling into a lot of stuff. I actually love, and I embrace,

the whole Jane of all trades because I'm a master of being.

So that's me, and that's what you're gonna get, is that I'm going to sit there and see you, I already said, is put in a person in personalized medicine. So that means that my exposure to all these different things and then also what I'm intuiting, it means that I can see patterns quicker, easier, and then it just facilitates it when I'm working with people, right?

And I find that just so fun and liberating to be able to have that flexibility, right? The not so fun part, you said it can't be taxes. So does that include bookkeeping? Like it's. Does that include bookkeeping?

Melanie (28:13)
Let me give you an example. Let me give you an example.

I love communicating with my clients. I love going on our calls. I hate keeping up with making sure they have the link to our document, making sure that they have this, making sure that they have that, right? But I've instead of, and I used to shame myself for not being super organized, in, and used to, I tried for a long period of time to get everything done first of the day and la la la la, and have it all done all in one, but I,

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (28:27)
of a note.

Melanie (28:43)
would rather write an email every day and make a video every day than sit down at the beginning of the week and make all of them and schedule all of them and then have the rest of the week to do whatever the fuck I want. I don't want to sit here and do a whole bunch of stuff all in one sitting. I want to do it as I go because if I make, if I batch create a bunch of videos, I'm not going to feel like that per, if I batch create on Monday, I'm not going to feel like that same person on Friday. So all those videos are just going to sit in my drafts.

and they're not gonna go anywhere, and what did I spend my time doing? Whereas like my business partner at the Neuro Spicy Academy, Christina, she wants to come up with all of it and spend a whole day scheduling it, and then it's on to the next thing.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (29:13)
Hmm.

Mm. OK, OK, OK, OK. So I feel you on that.

Melanie (29:25)
So when you think about business from that perspective.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (29:30)
Yeah, I would say that I do agree that there are times where I'm going, man, these notes, like, okay, what do I need to write in my notes? And I have, I'm like, you know what, this is why we're just gonna record. And there you go, there you have it. I will say that there was a coach one time.

that I did a call with her and I thought this was genius. Where there was the recording, but she had you recorded on your side. So she literally just freed herself from having to remember to actually send you a link to a recording. And she lets you know she's gonna leave it there for seven days and you have the seven days to get the recording. And then after that, it was deleted. And I'm like, that's so smart. Like, it's so, so. I was like, that's just genius.

So there is that aspect. I would say too, it's the, okay, so I do very well when I'm on a call. Like, let me just be on a call with you, right? Now, and it's so interesting because, and this just shows the diversity, because outside of these calls, I'm a texter. Like, texter, email, all day, right?

And I'm that texter that's gonna text you back in milliseconds or it's gonna be months. And then they'll be like, I texted you back in my head. my God. I mean, there's, because of that, like I might, I dabbled into off like how I would do an offer and be like, I'm hearing people talk, especially when the pandemic, right?

People are zoomed out. People are zoomed out. And so then I'm like, OK, well, maybe I'll shift in offer this and the master being that there's DM chats that they could do or whatever. Right. Well, guess what happened. I started feeling very anxious and on because I felt now I felt like I'm on call and I don't like that feeling. And so then it was like, all right, if I know that I'd much rather just get in and get out, like, let me just get on a call with you.

Tell me what's going on, and then I'm going to put this stuff together and ask some questions. And then we come up with a strategy, and then you go and you do it. Then come back to me and let me know how it goes. We don't necessarily have to communicate with each other in between unless it's like a quick question of, what did you say about this, this, this? So then that's where now I just chose that I'm going to change the format of the master being a bit.

where it's actually more that. I'd much rather have, I already like working with smaller groups anyway because of the intimacy, but instead of it being a group call, which some people, they love saying do the group call, so it's just once time a week or whatever. But the thing is is that I felt like it was...

it might have started getting difficult for the ones that couldn't make it at that call. I mean that because it's like, yeah, I have the entrepreneurs that come in, but there are some that are actually working in an office. And so they have things that come up, right? so instead, this is where I think like Rob Goyette, this was a conversation in a group the other day, like Rob Goyette and the like laser coaching, I think is what he calls it. I'm calling it like micro consulting once again.

it's just still a part of the master being and we're gonna have longer calls so I can really get to know where you're at and all of that in the beginning with your goals and everything else. But then after that, it transitions into here's the available slots, choose what's gonna work for you and just know that we're gonna get in and get to the nitty gritty and then we'll come out. And then you have your next step. So.

That way I feel like I can be more flexible in that. I have me a container. I don't have to feel like I'm on call, like I said, with like a DM or even those that do Voxer. I totally get it. Everybody got their way of working, right? But I still feel like I'm on edge, like waiting to hear that, you know, that little like chirp that somebody's sending a message. And then I'm like, I gotta answer them like right now or.

because it's task switching. Who knows what I'm working on? If it's quiet and then all of a sudden.

Melanie (34:03)
a lot to do with demand avoidance, right?

Like, if I know that I use Marco Polo to communicate with my clients, we can text, you can text me whenever, and you can message me whenever on Marco Polo so I can see what you're talking about. I can see you, I can see your energy. You know, as an intuitive person, I'd do better if I can see you. I won't talk to anybody on the phone. We can hop on a quick Zoom call, we can do a Marco Polo or we can text, but I just refuse to be on the phone. I just get too much anxiety. have

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (34:24)
Mm.

Melanie (34:29)
auditory processing issues, I don't know what's going on. Like, let me see your face or I don't know what you're saying. So the good point that you're making here is just because somebody says group coaching is the way that you scale, right? Group consulting is the way that you do this. I'm the same way. I talk to people about such intimate things. We can't talk about it in a group. Nobody will tell the truth. Nobody will come out and say, here's what's happening. Here's what's going on. So

You know, I'm happy to work with my clients as early as 8 a.m. and as late as 8 p.m. If that means I'm gonna get the best out of them, their kids are gonna be somewhere else, somebody else, and they're gonna be able to focus on me. But if the only time that you have available is 12 and that's when the kids are running around, how can I expect to get a good transformation out of you, right? But because I can offer those things, or I'm able to offer those things because I take really good care of myself. Why did my lights turn off? Come on. Oh, hold on, my computer turned off. Guys!

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (35:12)
and

Mm-hmm.

Melanie (35:23)
It's real life here. Don't worry. It's real life. I just want everybody to know. Come on, turn back on. There we go. Here she is.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (35:26)
You

Melanie (35:34)
Super professional. Super professional. it's a good point to make, especially in business, especially as a service provider. What one person says works for them doesn't mean it's gonna work for you, right? And I always tell my clients, if you're reading a self-help book or a personal development book written by a man and the thank you on the inside, what is it called? Where they, the dedication on the inside.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (35:36)
She's alive, she's alive.

Right.

Melanie (36:04)
is to my incredible wife who made sure that everything was taken care of for me. Thanks so much, honey. If you're the wife, you need to find out what she was doing. You don't need to take any advice from this dude. I wish I had a wife at home, too. But I'll tell you what, I'm the wife. So be very careful who you're getting your advice from. It's one of the reasons I started this podcast, because I was like, I feel like there's a lot of people out here that have gazillions of dollars that are giving advice. There's a lot of people who have.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (36:05)
the acknowledgement.

you

Melanie (36:30)
a wife at home that are giving advice, but I don't hear a lot of the female founders that are out here hustling and grinding every day trying to move in their divine feminine energy and stop trying to put in the same amount of productivity every single day. So I'll be that girl.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (36:44)
Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Melanie (36:46)
It's so important. So before we go, I want you to leave

us with. Let me see, how do I word this? If you could tell all the female founders listening. That are neurodivergent, have big, lofty, gigantic goals, but just as big physical and emotional and mental challenges to getting their entrepreneur to entrepreneur. What would you say are?

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (37:12)
Mm-hmm.

Melanie (37:13)
three areas that you would like them to focus on or start with to feel their best emotionally, internally and externally.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (37:26)
Hmm.

I don't know where this huge well of like, like emotions coming in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would say first thing is to, and I have a feeling that energy was surge was from, it's energetic, but to really get to know yourself.

Melanie (37:34)
Well, let's think in terms of actionable stuff. Food, time management.

me.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (37:58)
and in the sense of you can do it through the lens of your rhythms. So if there's a way that you could document, and you can start with what types of rhythms there are, right? So like very...

Melanie (38:12)
You could use the energy optimization

guide that's offered over in my bio. It's so funny that you say that.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (38:17)
really? That's cool. I'll have to check it out because I want to see what you got, what you're thinking, what you're going on, what's going on there. But like I say there are some I call it date yourself. And so date is actually an acronym. But to know, like kind of document your menstrual cycle. And then if you're not actively menstruating in that way, then still go by lunar cycle. So

If you're menstruating, it's gonna be menstruating and lunar cycle, and then if not menstruating, it's lunar cycle. But then also what is digestive, and there's different things within each of those that you wanna look at. it's not just you're having a bowel movement, but really get to know your bowel movements. Is it thicker, is it skinny, is there a smell, is it smearing?

as they're cramping, like really get to know it. And any cravings that might be happening, what you're eating and not like so detailed where some it can activate tendencies, like disordered eating tendencies for some people. So, but it's just, you're doing it out of simple awareness of seeing this is what I ate.

why I ate it sometimes, especially if you're feeling guilty about it, ahead of time, or resenting it afterwards. And so, like, just start to get to know yourself, because then you'll, you can start to see patterns of how the physical is responding to that. Urinary patterns is another one as well. So I would say kind of like, and sleep is a huge one. So sleep patterns is very, very big.

I say go in observing first. Just observe. Judgment free zone. We just are looking at data really. And I say you have to start with yourself first because we do know that we can definitely be like out, my schedule could be like random, like completely random.

of, I'm over here this week and then I'm over here that week and then like all of that, right? And so the idea here is that we're not trying to change you. It's just simply observing what's actually naturally happening. And then that way you can refine it. Like you can see like, okay, well, this is a pattern that's more associated with you're seeing the connections.

this pattern, say for instance, this sleep pattern pops up and gets worse, but you notice that it happens either before a client day or heck, it could be a specific client, right? So, or it's happening after. Like usually you hear most conversations about after and they're like, I feel so drained and all of this stuff, right? But there might've been hints before.

And so you're actually reacting, and so we're trying to change it so that we're creating it so that you're responding instead of reacting. But you'll be able to see patterns and things like that as it is that you observe. just like I said, become BFFs with these body systems. Just become BFFs with the body systems. They're telling you things.

if you have headaches or you experience headaches, excuse me, where are they? What makes it better? What makes it worse? When do they happen? This is why knowing the lunar cycle and menstrual cycle also helps because it can tell you, it can give you insight as to where there are typical shifts and it could be at a particular shift that is naturally happening that there might be some kind of kink, that that transition isn't happening so smoothly.

And even then, if it's happening at transition spots, where in your life are there potential changes that are happening that you aren't wanting to happen, and you're either resisting it, or there's changes that you're being invited to make, and then you're still resisting it. And so that's a way that you can kind of reflect on how the physical, how the whole body is showing up in the mental, emotional, and the spiritual aspects also.

So I would say that, I would say go slow too. Like choose one of them and then just make your observations. I'm working on something so to facilitate this and make this easier. it's one of those, if you're interested, I would say join the email list and then that way I'll let you know there will be an email when it's ready to go. But like, yeah, I would say do that. Start with one system for a week, maybe two weeks.

and then do another one. And so that way you're kind of layering it on instead of thinking you have to take great big huge like, my gosh, because we already make all those really big, really big lofty goals. I'm in the process of that right now. And I'm like, we got this perfect playground. Adventure Park is so much fun. And I'm all talking like, I'm saying like, it's going to have this. It's got that and all of this stuff. And then behind the scenes in my head, I'm like,

Melanie (43:40)
Yeah.

Uh-huh. Oh my god. I know. Oh my god. You are- I knew this was going to be good. I knew you were after my own heart. It is so fantastic to have you on the pod. I'm so glad. Oh, and I'm so glad that now you're in my world. So expect a lot of TikToks coming your way because that's one of my love languages I want you to know. So before we go, I want you to tell everyone. You think I'm joking, but I'm not. It will be used. Bite your d-

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (44:09)
you

You

If TikTok is around by the way

Melanie (44:27)
I'm doing magic every day, don't you worry. So tell everybody!

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (44:33)
It's funny because I'm not.

Melanie (44:36)
You're not what.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (44:37)
It's funny

because I'm not even on TikTok. It's too overwhelming for me. I was on there. I had the app on my phone for five minutes and I'm like, this is a lot, this is a lot. Remove, remove, remove.

Melanie (44:42)
We'll talk.

Do you use Instagram Reel?

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (44:52)
Yes. Sometimes.

Melanie (44:53)
So here's the thing, Instagram Reels is

TikTok three months ago.

Mark Zuckerberg needs to fucking strap in and figure it out because he's gonna have nothing. Anyways, we're getting off topic. Imagine that on a NeuroDivergent podcast. So this will of course be in the show notes, but tell everybody where they can find you, how they can get on your email list, how they can follow you and be a part of your community.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (45:02)
It's so funny how you put it.

Yes, so definitely go to theperfectplayground.com and there is going to be a spot to join the email community and then you can see some other stuff and see if you're interested in it. But that's the easiest thing, theperfectplayground.com. And then I'm mostly active on threads and because threads just connected to Instagram, then it's there. But my handle is at Denicia Hilton. So D-E-N-I-C-E-A.

Hilton, H-I-L-T-O-N on both of those.

Melanie (45:54)
Thank you so much for being here. my God, it's been fantastic. And I appreciate you for wearing my color. Don't think that I didn't notice that.

De'Nicea Hilton Harper (46:01)
And

the funny thing is I was gonna wear something else and I had it in my hand and then someone said, mm-mm, that's not what you need to wear today. And then I got led to this shirt.

Melanie (46:16)
Magic is real. Well, thank you so much for being here and everybody who is watching and listening I want you to remember that I love you all equally and for different reasons and I am so incredibly thankful and happy for you no matter what continues to go on with the nature of our government and social media you can find me here on the YouTube and make sure you're on my email list as well because the OGs and the originators get first access to all

fun things that I'm doing both in my own business and at the NeuroSpicy Academy. So with that, go move forward with your life with the rejuvenated motivation that you got from this podcast and we'll talk to you really soon. Okay, bye.