Episode 004: Understanding the Six Unique Capacities of Neurodivergent Children with Occupational Therapist Haley Wens
What if I told you that most of the challenges neurodivergent children face aren't actually problems to be fixed, but rather mismatches between their unique capacities and environments designed for neurotypical brains?
That's exactly what occupational therapist Haley Wens revealed in our conversation, and it's a perspective that could revolutionize how we support neurodivergent children.
Episode 004: Breaking Down Barriers - Understanding the Six Unique Capacities of Neurodivergent Children with Haley Wens
What if I told you that most of the challenges neurodivergent children face aren't actually problems to be fixed, but rather mismatches between their unique capacities and environments designed for neurotypical brains? That's exactly what occupational therapist Haley Wens revealed in our conversation, and it's a perspective that could revolutionize how we support neurodivergent children.
[Embedded episode video would appear here]
The Paradigm Shift That Changes Everything
Haley's journey into entrepreneurship began with a profound realization about the neurodiversity paradigm shift. "In the past, the model was kind of a more medical deficit-based model where it was like, okay, we've got this neurotypical brain, and then everything else is pathological," she explains. But here's the thing - we built the world, society, programs, and institutions for and by this neurotypical neurotype. If you don't fit there, you're either masking to fit or falling through the cracks.
This insight led Haley to write an ebook that she thought would sell "11 copies" but instead took off like crazy, giving her the confidence to realize she had something powerful to share with the world.
The Six Unique Capacities Every Parent Should Know
As an occupational therapist specializing in activity analysis, Haley has identified six unique capacities that affect how neurodivergent children interact with the world:
Sensory Processing - How they take in and interpret sensory information
Cognitive Processing - How their brain processes information
Emotional Regulation - How they manage and express emotions
Executive Functions - Planning, organizing, working memory, and attention
Motor Functions - Including motor skills and motor planning
Communication - How they express themselves and interpret others
These capacities are deeply interconnected. When one is affected, it impacts the others, creating a ripple effect that influences every aspect of a child's day.
Activity Analysis: The Secret Weapon
Here's where Haley's expertise really shines. Activity analysis is the specialty of occupational therapy that sets it apart from other therapeutic approaches. It's about breaking down any task or challenge to understand which of these six capacities are involved and how they're affecting the child's success.
Take something as simple as getting the first round of drinks for a large table at a restaurant (an example from my own experience that Haley brilliantly analyzed):
Emotional regulation: Past negative experiences create stress responses
Sensory processing: Overwhelming auditory input in a busy kitchen
Executive functions: Working memory overload trying to remember multiple drink orders
Motor functions: Physical coordination and strength needed to carry heavy trays
Communication: Processing social cues and managing direct communication style
Physical body: Fatigue affecting all other capacities
When you break it down this way, it becomes clear why certain tasks feel impossibly difficult while others flow effortlessly.
The P-T-E Framework: Person, Task, Environment
Instead of always putting pressure on the child to adapt, Haley advocates for the P-T-E approach:
Person (P): Building skills and capacities
Task (T): Adapting the task to fit their capacities
Environment (E): Modifying the environment to support success
"A lot of times we put a lot of pressure on the child, on the person, when really, let's look at this task and the environment, which was made for the neurotypical neurotype. How can we make this more inclusive?"
Accommodation Over Coping
One of the most powerful insights from our conversation was the distinction between coping and thriving. We are already accommodating ourselves in some way with coping mechanisms that may or may not be healthy. But as I always tell my clients: I don't want you to cope - I want you to thrive.
For neurodivergent individuals, this means restructuring your entire life for your neurotype, sensory processing, executive functions, and yes, if you menstruate, your hormonal cycle too. "Nothing's pathological here," Haley emphasizes. "If you need to start your day at 4 AM and end it at 1 PM, that's not a disorder - that's your neurotype."
The Truth About Masking and Burnout
We dove deep into a crucial truth: burnout isn't a result of being neurodivergent - it's a result of masking and pretending to be neurotypical. When you're spending 50% of your energy monitoring everyone else's behavior and your own to fit into molds that don't work for you, of course you're going to burn out.
This is why so many children experience what's traditionally been called "after school restraint collapse syndrome" - they hold it together all day at school, then completely fall apart at home. "The answer isn't behavioral strategies for at home," Haley points out. "The answer is accommodations for school."
Emotional Validation: The Foundation of Support
One of the most detrimental things we can do to undiagnosed neurodivergent children is invalidate their emotions. Instead of immediately saying "you're okay" when a child falls or gets upset, try acknowledging what happened: "You fell. Are you all right?" This simple shift validates their experience while still providing comfort and assessment.
The Collaborative Approach
Haley introduced me to Dr. Ross Green's Collaborative Proactive Solutions (CPS), which focuses on joining the child in collaborative problem-solving. This approach is particularly powerful for children with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, as authoritative "do what I say because I'm the adult" approaches trigger stress responses.
The process includes emotional validation, perspective-taking, and working together toward shared goals - skills that will serve both parent and child throughout their lives.
Looking Forward: The "Unique Me" Workshop Series
Haley is developing a four-module workshop series called "Unique Me" that will teach parents and educators how to understand and support these six unique capacities. The workshop will cover activity analysis and the P-T-E framework, giving families practical tools to create more inclusive environments.
If you're interested in learning more about Haley's work, you can find her at:
Website: HaleyWens.org
LinkTree: Linktree.com/HaleySWens
TikTok: @the_nd_ot
Facebook: HaleyWensMOTRL
Her ebook "Being an Inclusive and Supportive Parent, Provider and Teacher for Neurodivergent Children: Understanding Autism and ADHD Under the Neurodiversity Paradigm" is available in the resources section of her website.
The Bottom Line
Episode 004: Breaking Down Barriers - Understanding the Six Unique Capacities of Neurodivergent Children with Haley Wens
What if I told you that most of the challenges neurodivergent children face aren't actually problems to be fixed, but rather mismatches between their unique capacities and environments designed for neurotypical brains? That's exactly what occupational therapist Haley Wens revealed in our conversation, and it's a perspective that could revolutionize how we support neurodivergent children.
[Embedded episode video would appear here]
The Paradigm Shift That Changes Everything
Haley's journey into entrepreneurship began with a profound realization about the neurodiversity paradigm shift. "In the past, the model was kind of a more medical deficit-based model where it was like, okay, we've got this neurotypical brain, and then everything else is pathological," she explains. But here's the thing - we built the world, society, programs, and institutions for and by this neurotypical neurotype. If you don't fit there, you're either masking to fit or falling through the cracks.
This insight led Haley to write an ebook that she thought would sell "11 copies" but instead took off like crazy, giving her the confidence to realize she had something powerful to share with the world.
The Six Unique Capacities Every Parent Should Know
As an occupational therapist specializing in activity analysis, Haley has identified six unique capacities that affect how neurodivergent children interact with the world:
Sensory Processing - How they take in and interpret sensory information
Cognitive Processing - How their brain processes information
Emotional Regulation - How they manage and express emotions
Executive Functions - Planning, organizing, working memory, and attention
Motor Functions - Including motor skills and motor planning
Communication - How they express themselves and interpret others
These capacities are deeply interconnected. When one is affected, it impacts the others, creating a ripple effect that influences every aspect of a child's day.
Activity Analysis: The Secret Weapon
Here's where Haley's expertise really shines. Activity analysis is the specialty of occupational therapy that sets it apart from other therapeutic approaches. It's about breaking down any task or challenge to understand which of these six capacities are involved and how they're affecting the child's success.
Take something as simple as getting the first round of drinks for a large table at a restaurant (an example from my own experience that Haley brilliantly analyzed):
Emotional regulation: Past negative experiences create stress responses
Sensory processing: Overwhelming auditory input in a busy kitchen
Executive functions: Working memory overload trying to remember multiple drink orders
Motor functions: Physical coordination and strength needed to carry heavy trays
Communication: Processing social cues and managing direct communication style
Physical body: Fatigue affecting all other capacities
When you break it down this way, it becomes clear why certain tasks feel impossibly difficult while others flow effortlessly.
The P-T-E Framework: Person, Task, Environment
Instead of always putting pressure on the child to adapt, Haley advocates for the P-T-E approach:
Person (P): Building skills and capacities
Task (T): Adapting the task to fit their capacities
Environment (E): Modifying the environment to support success
"A lot of times we put a lot of pressure on the child, on the person, when really, let's look at this task and the environment, which was made for the neurotypical neurotype. How can we make this more inclusive?"
Accommodation Over Coping
One of the most powerful insights from our conversation was the distinction between coping and thriving. We are already accommodating ourselves in some way with coping mechanisms that may or may not be healthy. But as I always tell my clients: I don't want you to cope - I want you to thrive.
For neurodivergent individuals, this means restructuring your entire life for your neurotype, sensory processing, executive functions, and yes, if you menstruate, your hormonal cycle too. "Nothing's pathological here," Haley emphasizes. "If you need to start your day at 4 AM and end it at 1 PM, that's not a disorder - that's your neurotype."
The Truth About Masking and Burnout
We dove deep into a crucial truth: burnout isn't a result of being neurodivergent - it's a result of masking and pretending to be neurotypical. When you're spending 50% of your energy monitoring everyone else's behavior and your own to fit into molds that don't work for you, of course you're going to burn out.
This is why so many children experience what's traditionally been called "after school restraint collapse syndrome" - they hold it together all day at school, then completely fall apart at home. "The answer isn't behavioral strategies for at home," Haley points out. "The answer is accommodations for school."
Emotional Validation: The Foundation of Support
One of the most detrimental things we can do to undiagnosed neurodivergent children is invalidate their emotions. Instead of immediately saying "you're okay" when a child falls or gets upset, try acknowledging what happened: "You fell. Are you all right?" This simple shift validates their experience while still providing comfort and assessment.
The Collaborative Approach
Haley introduced me to Dr. Ross Green's Collaborative Proactive Solutions (CPS), which focuses on joining the child in collaborative problem-solving. This approach is particularly powerful for children with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, as authoritative "do what I say because I'm the adult" approaches trigger stress responses.
The process includes emotional validation, perspective-taking, and working together toward shared goals - skills that will serve both parent and child throughout their lives.
Looking Forward: The "Unique Me" Workshop Series
Haley is developing a four-module workshop series called "Unique Me" that will teach parents and educators how to understand and support these six unique capacities. The workshop will cover activity analysis and the P-T-E framework, giving families practical tools to create more inclusive environments.
If you're interested in learning more about Haley's work, you can find her at:
Website: HaleyWens.org
LinkTree: Linktree.com/HaleySWens
TikTok: @the_nd_ot
Facebook: HaleyWensMOTRL
Her ebook "Being an Inclusive and Supportive Parent, Provider and Teacher for Neurodivergent Children: Understanding Autism and ADHD Under the Neurodiversity Paradigm" is available in the resources section of her website.
The Bottom Line
Understanding neurodivergence isn't about fixing what's broken - it's about recognizing the unique ways different brains work and creating environments where everyone can thrive. When we shift from asking "What's wrong with this child?" to "How can we better support their unique capacities?" we open up a world of possibilities.
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