As neurodivergent entrepreneurs, we've been conditioned to believe that success means forcing ourselves into neurotypical boxes - waking up at 5 AM, following rigid routines, and pushing through discomfort in the name of productivity. But what if I told you that your greatest business asset isn't your ability to mask, but your courage to be authentically, unapologetically yourself?

In this powerful conversation with Pasha Marlowe, a trailblazing neuroqueer coach, we dive deep into the intersection of neurodivergence, queerness, and entrepreneurship. Pasha brings a refreshing perspective on how embracing our unique neurotypes can actually be our competitive advantage - not something to overcome, but something to celebrate.

Episode 029: Embracing Your Neuroqueer Identity in Business with Pasha Marlowe

Breaking Free from Neurotypical Expectations to Build Authentic Success

As neurodivergent entrepreneurs, we've been conditioned to believe that success means forcing ourselves into neurotypical boxes - waking up at 5 AM, following rigid routines, and pushing through discomfort in the name of productivity. But what if I told you that your greatest business asset isn't your ability to mask, but your courage to be authentically, unapologetically yourself?

In this powerful conversation with Pasha Marlowe, a trailblazing neuroqueer coach, we dive deep into the intersection of neurodivergence, queerness, and entrepreneurship. Pasha brings a refreshing perspective on how embracing our unique neurotypes can actually be our competitive advantage - not something to overcome, but something to celebrate.

The Parent-Child Dynamic That's Sabotaging Your Relationships

One of the most eye-opening parts of our conversation was Pasha's insight into the destructive parent-child dynamic that shows up in so many neurodivergent relationships. You know the pattern - one partner (often the woman) becomes the micromanager, taking on all the emotional labor and feeling overwhelmed, while the other partner feels like they can't do anything right, drowning in shame and guilt.

"The person who's in the parental role takes on a tone of exhaustion and resentment, and then the person in the child role has a lot of shame and guilt," Pasha explains. "There's this constant pattern of 'you don't follow through,' 'I try my hardest,' 'well it's not hard enough' - this cycle that repeats and repeats."

This dynamic isn't just damaging to romantic relationships - it shows up in our business partnerships, friendships, and even our relationship with ourselves. The key is recognizing when we're falling into these roles and actively working toward collaboration instead of control.

Why Direct Communication Is Your Superpower

As neurodivergent people, we tend to be refreshingly direct in our communication. While neurotypical society often sees this as "too much" or "rude," Pasha and I agree - this is actually one of our greatest strengths.

"I am ADHD and autistic. I have the persistent drive for autonomy," I shared. "I have always been direct and I've always had people tone policing me." But here's the thing - when you're running a business, direct communication saves time, prevents misunderstandings, and builds trust with the right clients.

The solution isn't learning to be less direct. It's surrounding yourself with people who appreciate your communication style and stop trying to translate yourself for those who don't.

Redefining Self-Care for Neurodivergent Brains

Let's talk about the self-care advice that's everywhere: wake up at 5 AM, meditate for 30 minutes, go for a walk, drink celery juice, make your bed. Sounds familiar? Here's why this cookie-cutter approach fails neurodivergent people every single time.

"We often put other people's ideas of what self-care looks like onto ourselves as expectations," Pasha points out. "If you're neurodivergent and especially if you have a lot of sensory issues, your self-care of 'just go for a walk outside' is going to be filtered through - okay, but I don't have clothes that are comfortable, it's hot outside, the sun is bright, I don't want to put on sunscreen because that doesn't feel good."

Instead of forcing yourself into someone else's definition of wellness, ask yourself: What's going to make me feel my best right now? Your self-care might look like lying on a couch with a fuzzy blanket reading a book. Another person's might be traveling the world. Both are valid.

I've learned to create flexible systems instead of rigid routines. My goal to take my makeup off at night might be a simple makeup wipe on a low-energy day or an eight-step skincare routine when I have more capacity. Either way, I didn't go to bed with my makeup on.

The Grief of Late Diagnosis and What Comes After

If you've recently discovered you're neurodivergent, you might be experiencing a complex mix of relief and grief. Pasha captures this perfectly: "A lot of grief, a lot of anger, a lot of like 'oh my goodness, would my life have been so much easier? Why didn't people know? Were people not watching me or caring for me enough?'"

But here's what's important to understand - when you start moving through your trauma and embracing your neurodivergence, you might feel more chaotic before things settle. "Now that I know I'm autistic, I'm stimming more. Now that I know I'm ADHD, I'm forgetting things more," Pasha explains. This isn't regression - it's your authentic self finally coming to the surface after years of masking.

This is why having support during this journey is crucial. Whether it's a neurodivergent-friendly therapist, coach, or community like our Neurospicy Academy, you don't have to navigate this rediscovery alone.

From Trauma-Driven to Authentically Motivated

Many of us have been operating from what I call "trauma drive" - that external tiger chasing us that made us incredibly productive, but at what cost? I used to wake up at 6 AM, hit the gym, do schoolwork, work at a restaurant until 10 PM, then go out for drinks. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Now? I can't even go to Walmart and Target in the same day. And that's not failure - that's honoring my authentic capacity.

"You were running on fumes, running after the tiger, coming from that trauma place," Pasha validates. "You don't need to do that anymore, nor can you, nor should you." This shift from external to internal motivation is part of coming into our truth and operating from a place of sustainability rather than survival.

The Power of Therapeutic Comedy

One of my favorite strategies Pasha shared is using therapeutic comedy to navigate difficult family relationships. "I really like reframing and taking my power back through therapeutic comedy around family. I know what they're going to say if I bring up a certain social or political view. I know what they're going to say if I talk about autism or ADHD."

Instead of getting frustrated when the same conversations happen repeatedly, she scripts it in her head and approaches it more playfully. "It's a little more playful and lighthearted than the heaviness of 'are we having the same conversation again?'"

This approach helps maintain your energy and sanity while still engaging with people who might not understand your journey.

Building Your Neurodivergent Business Strategy

Running a business as a neurodivergent person requires different strategies than what you'll find in most business books. Here are key insights from our conversation:

Embrace Your Natural Rhythms: I wake up early and might take a nap at 9:45 AM after a morning walk, then sleep until noon. This works for my brain and my Florida climate. Stop forcing yourself into someone else's schedule.

Create Flexible Systems: Instead of rigid routines, develop systems that can adapt to your energy levels. High-energy days get the full treatment, low-energy days get the minimum viable version.

Ask Better Questions: Instead of forcing affirmations that don't feel authentic, ask "What's going to make me feel my best right now?" or "Who do I want to be today?"

Set Boundaries with Energy Management: Use Pasha's grocery shopping strategy as inspiration - honk the horn, everyone helps unload, the family puts everything away. You've done your part.

Moving Forward Authentically

The biggest takeaway from this conversation is that your neurodivergence isn't something to overcome - it's something to embrace and leverage. As Pasha beautifully puts it: "Take a piece of paper out and draw a picture of yourself with your non-dominant hand, and then look at that picture of that sweet, flawed, imperfect being and talk to that person instead of the person that you are used to talking to in the mirror."

That sweet little being deserves kindness, understanding, and the freedom to build a business that honors their authentic way of operating in the world.

Remember, you're not broken. You're not too much. You're exactly what this world needs - someone willing to challenge the status quo and create success on your own terms.

Connect with Pasha Marlowe

Ready to dive deeper into neuroqueer coaching and community? Find Pasha on:

• Website: pashamarlowe.com

• TikTok: @neuroqueercoach (her favorite platform!)

• Instagram: @neuroqueercoach

• Facebook: Pasha Marlowe

• LinkedIn: Pasha Marlowe

Pasha offers individual and couples coaching, group coaching (neuro community), and organizational consulting on neurodiversity-affirming practices.

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