Episode 032: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse and Reclaiming Your Power with E B Johnson
Listen, I am so excited to share this conversation with you. E B Johnson and I went deep - like really deep - into some of the most important conversations we need to be having about trauma, narcissistic abuse, and what it actually takes to heal and build the business and life you deserve.
E B's story starts with adoption into a narcissistic, hoarding household, and her journey from rock bottom to helping others escape these same toxic patterns is absolutely powerful. Here's what I love most about this episode: we don't just talk about the problems. We give you real, practical tools to start shifting your reality today.
The Truth About Trauma That Nobody Talks About
I've been saying this for years, and E B confirmed it perfectly in our conversation: trauma isn't just the big, dramatic events we think of. Trauma is literally anything your brain cannot process at the time it happens.
E B put it so simply: "You just have to be overwhelmed. It has to trigger your autonomic nervous system, that limbic system inside of you. If that's triggered, that's it - that's trauma."
This hit me hard because I grew up thinking I didn't have "real" trauma. My family was well-off, my dad had his own architecture practice, but both my parents were alcoholics and our home wasn't safe for an undiagnosed ADHD autistic girl who saw the world for what it really was. I was literally paying my own rent at 17 and couldn't even buy my own cigarettes.
Why Neurodivergent People Are Trauma Magnets
Here's something that E B and I both discovered in our healing journeys: ADHD, autism, and CPTSD often go hand in hand. E B said something that stopped me in my tracks: "I've yet to meet one person with ADHD or autism who hasn't been traumatized."
The statistics back this up. The comorbidity rate of ADHD and autism is 70 percent, and for PDA autism (persistent drive for autonomy) and ADHD, it's 100 percent. We're not broken - we're just normal zebras trying to survive in a world designed for horses.
The "Licking Love Off Knives" Pattern
E B shared one of the most powerful metaphors I've ever heard from one of her clients: "My whole life, because I wasn't fed love on a silver spoon, I learned how to lick it off knives."
This is the pattern so many of us fall into when we're raised by narcissists or in dysfunctional homes. We become adults who are literally starving for the unconditional love we never received, so we accept whatever scraps we can get - even when those scraps cut us.
The solution? You've got to spoon-feed yourself love and only accept people around you who are willing to spoon-feed you love as well. Stop licking it off knives.
Turn Your Inner Critic Into Your Arch Nemesis
While I teach people to turn their inner critic into their friend, E B has a different approach that I absolutely love: turn that bitch into your arch nemesis.
"You can absolutely have free reign with that one person in the world," she told me. "Give them a different face, turn them into someone you don't like, and you can just tell that bitch to sit in the back seat and leave you alone. You don't have to be respectful to her because she was given to you by people who weren't respectful to you in the first place."
Your inner critic was installed by people who didn't respect you. She needs to go.
The Mindset-Body Connection Nobody Talks About
We went deep into something I'm passionate about: your health and wealth are only different by one letter, and there's a reason for that. E B emphasized that you can't heal in the middle of a storm - you have to create the right environment for your nervous system first.
This means:
Moving your body (even if it's just mowing the lawn or walking the dog)
Doing somatic practices like progressive muscle relaxation
Using your non-dominant hand for neuroplasticity
Walking backwards (yes, really - it's incredible for your brain and your knees)
Quantum Shifting Your Reality
I shared my favorite concept with E B: quantum shifting. Think of all possible timelines like pages in a book. Instead of reading page by page (linear time), you can jump from page 30 to page 80 by making intentional micro-shifts every day.
The way you know you've shifted? You'll have a massive moment of deja vu or suddenly find that something that used to be difficult becomes effortless.
The People-Pleasing Trap
Here's something E B said that will stick with me forever: "You will never get more people that hate you than when you stop people pleasing. But you will also never get more personal success."
I spent 30-something years having people hate me for the mask I wore - they didn't even like the person I was trying so hard to be to please them. Now I can at least save my energy and just be who I am. If you like it, cool. If you don't, peace be with you.
Somatic Practices That Actually Work
E B shared some incredible resources, including Johns Hopkins University's YouTube library of somatic exercises. Her go-to practices include:
Progressive muscle relaxation (tighten and release each body part from toes to head)
Breathwork (four beats in, four beats out, then gradually increase)
Stretching, especially when you notice you're holding tension
Chia seeds for neuroplasticity (yes, really!)
Breaking the Generational Cycle
Both E B and I are cycle breakers in our own ways. She chose not to have children because she couldn't risk becoming her mother. I chose to have sons specifically to stop the generational trauma in my family.
The point isn't which path you choose - it's that you choose consciously. As E B beautifully put it: "Just be human. Embrace having a human experience. You don't have to become some superhuman person who only has blissful experiences."
Your Next Steps
If this conversation resonated with you, here's what I want you to do:
Start paying attention to where you're "licking love off knives" in your life
Begin turning your inner critic into either your friend or your arch nemesis
Ask yourself "How does this person make me feel?" as your primary relationship filter
Try one somatic practice from E B's suggestions
Remember: you're exactly where you are because of the size of your past dreams
And listen, if you want more insights like this delivered straight to your inbox, make sure you're subscribed to my newsletter at https://mindsetmelanie.com/newsletter. I treat my email list like a group therapy session, and it's really where the magic happens.
Connect with E B Johnson
You need E B's wisdom in your life. Here's where to find her:
Website: https://www.therealebjohnson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therealebjohnson/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/realebjohnson
Medium: https://ebjohnson.medium.com/
Remember: you're exactly where you are right now because of the size of your past dreams. What you thought you were worthy of, what you thought you were capable of, your beliefs at the time. I made my current dream home happen - why can't I make that million-dollar riverfront home happen next?
Turn the knife counterclockwise, beautiful humans. It's time to stop settling for anything less than spoon-fed love.
